“I wanted to tell him my new clothes were down to a medical condition, but when I tried to speak, all that came out was a high-pitched yapping noise.” — Tim Collins Copy Share Image
“Today was so pointless that when I tried to write about it a moment ago, my pen ran out because it couldn't take the… — Tim Collins Copy Share Image
“The harsh wind of the Egyptian desert is even worse than the harsh wind of the Egyptian pharaoh.” — Tim Collins Copy Share Image
“Hear that, Mr. De Pfeffel Cantab or whatever your name is? That's the sound of the villa in the South of France you could… — Tim Collins Copy Share Image
“Today I asked Chloe to be my girlfriend,and she agreed. I sank my teeth into her neck and drank from her jugular in the… — Tim Collins Copy Share Image
“I wanted to tell him my new clothes were down to a medical condition, but when I tried to speak, all that came out… — Tim Collins Copy Share Image
“What a strange god to worship. I’m sure he’s great at answering your prayers, as long as you want a stick fetching or a… — Tim Collins Copy Share Image
“And how does my leg feel after all that so-called treatment? Worse, of course.” — Tim Collins Copy Share Image
“I've glued the letter directly into my diary, as it's so staggeringly imbecilic that any attempt to summarize its contents would make my brain… — Tim Collins Copy Share Image
