“There he was, skipping lightly across the surface of the water. He caught my eye and gave me that shit-eating grin again. “Be of good cheer. It is I. Be not afraid.” — Phillip Andrew Bennett Low Copy Share Image
“The jolly old elf’s nose was red, but not from cold — rather, from the brutality of a dozen boxes of Kleenex. Mucus flowed… — Phillip Andrew Bennett Low Copy Share Image
“Every muscle in his body tensed for action, adrenalin pounding through his tiny veins, he crept down the stairs, keeping to the corners (where he knew they creaked less). He peered around the bottom of the stairwell into the living room, and there he saw a lean, bearded man, clad only in a loincloth and a crown of thorns. When… — Phillip Andrew Bennett Low Copy Share
“I was staring at one of the most famous images of Santa Claus of all time — one by Thomas Nast, from Harper’s Weekly, 1881.” — Phillip Andrew Bennett Low Copy Share Image
“Oh, this is not the time for us to get into that meshugenah debate again! Look, the point is that Jesus of Nazareth, who is a very big deal to the Boss, regardless of whatever metaphysically bewildering relationship they may have, has gone missing, on the eve of the single most important event in the history of Creation. The sentence… — Phillip Andrew Bennett Low Copy Share
“I guess you could say I’ve got a monkey on my back. A monkey named Darwin.” He shrugged off the trench coat and there… — Phillip Andrew Bennett Low Copy Share Image
“And dozens of tiny hands reached up, and cast back dozens of tiny hoods. The robes fell away, revealing a motley of brightly-colored, dwarfish creatures, perched atop one another’s shoulders, brandishing outlandish tubes of a shiny substance none present had ever seen before. With preternatural speed and precision, they were trained upon the wild-eyed Romans, and after a few frantic… — Phillip Andrew Bennett Low Copy Share
“The good news was that we’d found Santa. The bad news was that he was floating in a giant tube of clear fluid, seemingly… — Phillip Andrew Bennett Low Copy Share Image
“She sighed and stepped out of the room, pulling the door shut behind her. Turning around, she nearly tripped over some of the help.… — Phillip Andrew Bennett Low Copy Share Image
“The Revelation of Hashmal, which GOD gave unto him, to shew unto His servants things which shortly must come to pass; and Hashmal sent… — Phillip Andrew Bennett Low Copy Share Image
“Jesus shrugged. “Have you read the Torah? God doesn’t pick the best of the best. He picks the guys who need help.” — Phillip Andrew Bennett Low Copy Share Image
“Jesus shook his head slowly from side to side, then thrust his left hand deep into Santa’s sack. Out came something resembling raw steak,… — Phillip Andrew Bennett Low Copy Share Image
