Stewie: What the hell is this? Lois: Sweetie, thats tuna salad. Stewie: Oh, is that what it is? Really? Because I could have sworn it was mayonnaise and cat food. — Family Guy Copy Share Image
Tonight theres a new reality show on Fox: Fast Animals, Slow Children. -Peter Griffin — Family Guy Copy Share Image
All right, all right, make like Siamese twins and split... And then one of you die. -Peter Griffin — Family Guy Copy Share Image
You know, I rather like this God fellow. Hes very theatrical. A little pestilence here, a plague there... Omnipotence...got to get me some of… — Family Guy Copy Share Image
Quagmire: Hey there, Gorgeous, how old are you? Connie: Sixteen. Quagmire: Eighteen? Connie: Mom! Quagmire: I Like where this is goin! — Family Guy Copy Share Image
Im so hungry I could ride a horse. I dont get it. Well, I could ride it to the store, I guess. -Chris Griffin — Family Guy Copy Share Image
Hey, Mother! I come bearing a gift. Ill give you a hint: its in my diaper, and its not a toaster. -Stewie Griffin — Family Guy Copy Share Image
I had such a crush on her. Until I met you, Lois. Youre my silver medal. -Peter Griffin — Family Guy Copy Share Image
Ive sprouted another finger. Counting the one from yesterday, Im up to 11. -Baby Stewie — Family Guy Copy Share Image
Sorry Meg. Daddy loves ya, but Daddy also loves Star Trek, and in all fairness, Star Trek was here first. -Peter Griffin — Family Guy Copy Share Image
