It’s good to be here. I’m just trying to go through life without looking stupid. It’s not working out too well. — Brian Regan Copy Share Image
I'm trying to do things I have never done. Like I recently went to 3 different ballets. And I loved trying to… — Brian Regan Copy Share Image
“I never learn. Like a waitress will bring my meal. “Hey, enjoy your meal.” “You, too. But you don’t have one, do… — Brian Regan Copy Share Image
I try to be careful and put things in perspective. There are people who have challenging lives and work hard physically and… — Brian Regan Copy Share Image
I'm honored that other comedians like what I do. That means the world to me. But at the same time when I'm… — Brian Regan Copy Share Image
I try my jokes onstage. The only way to really find out if something is going to work is to try it… — Brian Regan Copy Share Image
I try to be careful not to put the cart before the horse. I try not to create comedy for other comedians… — Brian Regan Copy Share Image
Like, I'm trying to make a statement that clean comedy is somehow better or loftier than dirty comedy, and I don't feel… — Brian Regan Copy Share Image
Ladies and Gentlemen, we're about to begin boarding. If we could ask for your cooperation, please stay seated until you row has… — Brian Regan Copy Share Image
I did some writing for that movie. The remake of Planet of the Apes. I didn't write the script. But I wrote… — Brian Regan Copy Share Image
I am happy doing standup so I don't ever want to stop doing it. But I wouldn't mind venturing off and doing other things… — Brian Regan Copy Share
If a movie makes it really big, they do the obvious thing, right? They make an amusement park ride out of it. ... The… — Brian Regan Copy Share
I thought yoga was easy - I went out and I bought a yoga video tape. I bought the beginners' yoga tape. I couldn't… — Brian Regan Copy Share
The government will pay certain farmers to not grow corn. Wow. Where's my check? That'd be great. "Hey, what do you do for a… — Brian Regan Copy Share
Relevance is kind of a weird thing. If one does topical material, it makes sense to want to be relevant. But if someone talks… — Brian Regan Copy Share
I drove myself to the Emergency Room. That's a nice relaxing drive. "Noooo, after you. Merge-everybody merge." — Brian Regan Copy Share
You can poke fun at some pretty difficult circumstances, and it's just a way to pop the bubble. I don't do that thing onstage… — Brian Regan Copy Share
You know I could go for a sandwich, but uh, I'm not gonna open two jars. I can't be opening and closing all kinds… — Brian Regan Copy Share
“I" before "E" except after "C" and when sounding like "A" as in neighbor and weigh, and on weekends and holidays and all throughout… — Brian Regan Copy Share
I'm trying to do things I have never done. Like I recently went to 3 different ballets. And I loved trying to learn how… — Brian Regan Copy Share
Don't like when sports interviewers force answers: Are you dedicating this game to your sick grandmother? What's the guy supposed to say? — Brian Regan Copy Share
