I wanted to be an artist after all, and my teachers told me these were the best authors the 20th century had to offer. But these books sucked. They were so boring and sloppy and plotless. And Bob Dylan's lyrics… — Simon Rich Copy Share Image
Most of my work is, I get an idea, and, with the help of Wikipedia, I can write. I don't have to leave my… — Simon Rich Copy Share Image
I never felt ostracized or made to feel strange by obsessing over 'The Onion' or 'Calvin and Hobbes.' That was considered completely normal. — Simon Rich Copy Share Image
It's easier to be a grownup than to be a kid. When you're a kid, you lie constantly and people are always calling you… — Simon Rich Copy Share Image
I was never a cool person; in fact, cool people have always made fun of me. That’s why I loved [the Robert Cormier YA… — Simon Rich Copy Share Image
I try not to write jokes that are mean. I try my best to write jokes that are pretty universal and jokes that don't… — Simon Rich Copy Share Image
People are funny in like young adulthood, just like how people's musical tastes are cool, but it changes very rapidly. In five or ten… — Simon Rich Copy Share Image
“I still remember the day I got my first calculator Teacher: All right, children, welcome to fourth grade math. Everyone take a calculator out… — Simon Rich Copy Share Image
I admired the earnestness of these people, many of whom had joined Greenpeace and marched for noble things in their youth. But I didn’t… — Simon Rich Copy Share Image
I wanted to be an artist after all, and my teachers told me these were the best authors the 20th century had to offer.… — Simon Rich Copy Share Image
“Before OkCupid profiles became mandated by the Galactic Government, the only way to find a mate was to self-induce brain-damage and beg strangers for… — Simon Rich Copy Share Image
“God: Check out this human I designed. Angel: Wow, that looks pretty incredible. How does it work? God: It's pretty complicated. Point to something… — Simon Rich Copy Share Image
“I know the odds are against us. I know she’s a siren. I know she’s eaten people. I know she’s five thousand years older… — Simon Rich Copy Share Image
“Otto could be extremely convincing. During our sophomore year, he’d persuaded me to boycott McDonald’s, even though they’d recently brought back the McRib.” — Simon Rich Copy Share Image
I never really liked "cool" books. I plowed through as much Borges and Joyce as possible, read the first half of V. and spent… — Simon Rich Copy Share Image
![“I was never a cool person; in fact, cool people have always made fun of me. That’s why I loved [the Robert Cormier YA novel] The Chocolate War - because the cool kids (not the establishment) were the villains. I totally identified with that.” quote by Simon Rich](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/img-quotes/503/simon-rich-25140_chocolate_i-was-never-a-cool-person-in-fact-cool-p_620335.jpg)
