“With the child already shame-based, the feeling of discouragement takes over the whole personality. As the shame-based child forms her primitive conscience,… — John Bradshaw Copy Share Image
“During school age, the bright, shame-based child will attempt to develop inhuman ego defenses or defending scripts, such as perfectionism, blaming, criticizing,… — John Bradshaw Copy Share Image
“One of the significant lessons in my life was given me by Abraham Low, the founder of Recovery, Inc. He said that… — John Bradshaw Copy Share Image
“SHAME-BASED MARRIAGE AND PARENTAL MODELS It is obvious that a major source of toxic shame is the family system and its multigenerational… — John Bradshaw Copy Share Image
“This transformation involves three dynamics: 1. The identification with shame-based models and the carrying of their unexpressed shame. 2. The trauma of… — John Bradshaw Copy Share Image
“SHAME-BASED FAMILY RULES Each family system has several categories of rules. There are rules about celebrating and socializing, rules about touching and… — John Bradshaw Copy Share Image
“3. Blame. Whenever things don’t turn out as planned, blame yourself or others. Blame is another defensive cover-up for shame. Blame maintains… — John Bradshaw Copy Share Image
“Toxic shame, the shame that binds us, is experienced as the all-pervasive sense that “I am flawed and defective as a human… — John Bradshaw Copy Share Image
“The more I drank to relieve my shame-based loneliness and hurt, the more I felt ashamed. Shame begets shame. The cycle begins… — John Bradshaw Copy Share Image
“If our primary caregivers are shame-based, they will act shameless and pass their toxic shame onto us. There is no way to… — John Bradshaw Copy Share Image
“The major problem in our lives is to decide and clarify our responsibilities. To truly be committed to a life of honesty,… — John Bradshaw Copy Share Image
“Perhaps the greatest wound a shame-based person carries is the inability to be intimate in a relationship. This inability flows directly out… — John Bradshaw Copy Share Image
“5. The “No Talk” Rule. This rule prohibits the full expression of any feeling, need or want. In shame-based families, the members… — John Bradshaw Copy Share Image
“When parents are shame-based and needy, they are unable to take over the mirroring narcissistic function for the child. Furthermore, the fact… — John Bradshaw Copy Share Image
Recovery begins with embracing our pain and taking the risk to share it with others. We do this by joining a group and talking… — John Bradshaw Copy Share
“Generally speaking, most of our vital, spontaneous, instinctual life gets shamed. Children are shamed for being too rambunctious, for wanting things and for laughing… — John Bradshaw Copy Share
“A covert kind of sexual abuse occurs when Dad or Mom talk about sex in front of the children when the age level of… — John Bradshaw Copy Share
I know from my own clinical work that when people are beaten and hurt, they numb out so that they cant feel anymore. — John Bradshaw Copy Share
“Love-that which biologists, nervous about being misunderstood call "attachment"-fuels the bond between dog and master or mistress.” — John Bradshaw Copy Share
“(b) Boundary Violation. This involves children witnessing parents in sexual behavior. They may walk in on it because parents don’t provide closed or locked… — John Bradshaw Copy Share
“A toxically shamed person is divided within himself and must create a false-self cover-up to hide his sense of being flawed and defective. You… — John Bradshaw Copy Share
I define a 'good person' as somebody who is fully conscious of their own limitations. They know their strengths, but they also know their… — John Bradshaw Copy Share
“The ego defense of conversion transforms developmental needs into the need for something else. This could be food, money or excessive attention. In Max’s… — John Bradshaw Copy Share
“In fact, the most paradoxical aspect of neurotic shame is that it is the core motivator of the superachieved and the underachieved, the star… — John Bradshaw Copy Share
“If our primary caregivers are shame-based, they will act shameless and pass their toxic shame onto us. There is no way to teach self-value… — John Bradshaw Copy Share
“If a cat falls out of a high-rise building or a tall tree, it has another trick available: forming a “parachute” by spreading all… — John Bradshaw Copy Share
“In the past, when dogs’ functions were mostly rural, it was accepted that they were intrinsically messy and needed to be managed on their… — John Bradshaw Copy Share
“IDENTIFICATION When victimization takes place the victim often identifies with the persecutor. By so doing the victim no longer feels the helplessness and the… — John Bradshaw Copy Share
