There was a girl I loved in high school - but never spoke to. Cut to my five-year reunion: I'm an entirely… — Dane Cook Copy Share Image
If you lie to a person at least tell someone else you've lied to the truth. It balances out your karma. — Dane Cook Copy Share Image
If you live far away from a person you no longer want to date just let them know that they are geographically… — Dane Cook Copy Share Image
You know your gut instincts are spot on about a person when you can also detect a water source in the soil… — Dane Cook Copy Share Image
True love is when you're cheating on a person but the thought of them still makes your eyes smile! — Dane Cook Copy Share Image
You can easily tell if a person is lying and cheating on you if they say, I love you. I would never… — Dane Cook Copy Share Image
I never leave a dog alone in a car on a hot day. I make sure it's with an elderly person holding… — Dane Cook Copy Share Image
Vince Vaughn is a genuine person, awesome guy. He'll come to a lot of my shows. It's not that often that you… — Dane Cook Copy Share Image
Sometimes, when a person gains a lot of success at a very young age, they become targets, and it's really easy to… — Dane Cook Copy Share Image
Created a word game to play with a person you're fighting with. Silent Treatment. Nothing happens until one of you quietly says,… — Dane Cook Copy Share Image
I don't know if I could kill someone with a frozen turkey because that is a lot of evidence to eat …… — Dane Cook Copy Share Image
A couple of days back, I got into a car accident. Not my fault. Even if it's not your fault, the other… — Dane Cook Copy Share Image
Sometimes, when you want to make a difference in a person's life, stay out of it. — Dane Cook Copy Share Image
Some people give you that motivation to work harder simply to get the hell away from wherever they are. — Dane Cook Copy Share
Every great thing starts with an idea, followed by a doubt and finally a resolve to abandon or pursue. Victory is a treacherous journey. — Dane Cook Copy Share
My real first job was delivering newspapers with I was 15. I would ride my bike around and chuck papers at people's houses. The… — Dane Cook Copy Share
I do think I am funny, or I wouldn't be where I am today. I do think there is always room for improvement and… — Dane Cook Copy Share
If you think your demeanor is mellow or not particularly charismatic, the material can life you higher. So write everyday, and get onstage or… — Dane Cook Copy Share
If you lie to a person at least tell someone else you've lied to the truth. It balances out your karma. — Dane Cook Copy Share
Trolls look for reasons to hate but really what they are mad at is the fact they are not included in anything ever. — Dane Cook Copy Share
In school I was pretty quiet. Kinda shy until my junior year. But at home I was a freak. — Dane Cook Copy Share
Strip clubs are great places to meet interesting people you only wanna know for about 40 minutes. — Dane Cook Copy Share
I can't relate to the idea of suicide. I guess I'm just one of those people that is always optimistic and upbeat. But one… — Dane Cook Copy Share
Someone needs to make a zombie movie where when you get bit it turns you into a singing and dancing extraordinaire. — Dane Cook Copy Share
