There's only one true superpower amongst human beings, and that is being funny. People treat you differently if you can make them laugh. — Jeff Garlin Copy Share Image
The only thing that I demand of the audience is that they listen to what I'm saying. Other than that, they owe me nothing. They don't owe me a thing. — Jeff Garlin Copy Share Image
By the way, to perform in front of Don Rickles, it 's not nerve-wrecking. It 's enjoyable, i am enjoying Jeff Garlin. I hope… — Jeff Garlin Copy Share Image
Why do I want to be challenged or have challenges? That's why I don't go climb mountains. — Jeff Garlin Copy Share Image
Parents have got to chill out. Let your kid eat dirt - they're gonna be fine! — Jeff Garlin Copy Share Image
The worst kind of idiot is the one who doesn't think they're an idiot. — Jeff Garlin Copy Share Image
First off, I don't do self-deprecation comedy based on being fat. I would always talk about it honestly. Secondly, I don't care how much… — Jeff Garlin Copy Share Image
I like independent movies, documentaries. There's not a lot of movies that are commercially made that I dig. — Jeff Garlin Copy Share Image
Acting's fine if the script's written by Paddy Chayefsky and Martin Scorsese directs it, but unless you have something like that, I don't really… — Jeff Garlin Copy Share Image
When you see a bad romantic comedy, you see the script, the director, and the actors trying to create this warmth and this pathos… — Jeff Garlin Copy Share Image
I've avoided doing network shows because I don't think they're true to real families. — Jeff Garlin Copy Share Image
My kids have played soccer and baseball and basketball, and the parents who come to games are always saying and doing things that are… — Jeff Garlin Copy Share Image
