“Oh my God, calm down, Darwin. Don't get all crazy just 'cause I threw a vampire monkey wrench in your faulty Jesus-zombie logic.” — Jenny Lawson Copy Share Image
the most terribly human moments - the ones we want to pretend never happened - are the very moments that make us who we… — Jenny Lawson Copy Share Image
“I MADE MY CATS A WATER BED OUT OF A ZIPLOC BAG AND A SHOEBOX. THEY POPPED IT WITH THEIR CLAWS AND THEY ALMOST… — Jenny Lawson Copy Share Image
“Everything in this book is mostly true but some details have been changed to protect the guilty. I know it’s usually about “protecting the… — Jenny Lawson Copy Share Image
Have you ever been homesick for someplace that doesn't actually exist anymore? Someplace that exists only in your mind? — Jenny Lawson Copy Share Image
“As far as I'm concerned, a house should look lived-in, and I consider it clean as long as I don't stick to it and… — Jenny Lawson Copy Share Image
“Something wonderful about experiencing life with friendly strangers and stranger-friends who all fit in your pocket.” — Jenny Lawson Copy Share Image
“And while our families made their way to the church doorsteps to prepare to throw birdseed at us, we hid in the empty church sanctuary and I made Victor promise to love me forever. “Have a little faith in me,” he said with a proud smile. In retrospect, I probably should have asked for something more substantial, like “Promise me… — Jenny Lawson Copy Share
“There's a very mean girl down the hall who's trying to get me fired. I'm no good with confrontation, so whenever I say, "Have a wonderful day," to her out loud, I'm really saying, "Be nice to me or I will stab you in the face with a fork," in my head. I wish her a wonderful day at least… — Jenny Lawson Copy Share
“Then a man onstage quoted Sam Houston, saying, “Texas can make it without the United States, BUT THE UNITED STATES CANNOT MAKE IT WITHOUT… — Jenny Lawson Copy Share Image
Some people we define as trolls are just critics. Sometimes they have a point. And I hear them. But for the ones who comment… — Jenny Lawson Copy Share Image
“By my tenth glass of wine I started to wonder whether there was something wrong with my palate. Everyone else was marking the wine list with notes like “Pleasant finish. Robust spices.” Meanwhile, I was doodling pictures of vampiric cougars. Then I noticed people staring at my doodles, and so I started writing notes next to the wine. Things like… — Jenny Lawson Copy Share
It's interesting with my blog, because it feels to me less like a blog and more like a forum, because my readers are so… — Jenny Lawson Copy Share Image
