President Obama was in India yesterday visiting our jobs. Tomorrow he goes to China to visit our money. — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Show business pays you a lot of money because eventually you’re gonna get screwed. — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Here's something to think about: How come you never see a headline like 'Psychic Wins Lottery'? — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
People don't mind if you have a lot of money if they know you're working for it. — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
If you restore a car, and you're making money, then you're doing it wrong. — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
When you work with your hands, you learn to appreciate how easy it is to earn money talking. — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Do you have any idea how cheap stocks are? Wall Street is now being called Wall Mart Street — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Apparently, Osama bin Laden was killed with money and phone numbers sewn into his clothing. So we got him right before he… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
There is a penalty for trying to knock down a cockpit door, but it's the people who try to go from coach… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Scientists believe that monkeys can be taught to think, lie and even play politics within their community. If we can just teach… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
China is now expected to surpass Japan as the 2nd richest country in the world. They could become the richest, but that's… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
But the good news, the crime rate is down. Isn't that amazing? Less banks are being robbed. Well, sure. A, there's less… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
President Bush earned $400,000 for his job as president last year. That's not really that much for being president when you think… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
We should make politicians dress like race car drivers -- when they get money, make them wear the company logos on their… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Here at work, obviously, I make the most money of anyone on the show, so I try to be the first one… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
U.N. officials said today they desperately need $7 billion to help people cope with disasters, but they're having a hard time getting… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
I always tell new people in show business. I say, "Look, show business pays you a lot of money, because eventually you're… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
According to government auditors, the stimulus money is being held up because there aren't enough government workers to oversee the spending. So… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
More and more details coming out now about spoiled rich kid Osama bin Laden. Time reports this week he was one of… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Enron's president, Ken Lay, passed away last week. So, I guess even God lost money on that Enron deal. I believe the… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Financial experts are saying we are entering a new chapter in the American economy. I believe it's Chapter 11. — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
“Leno said the rainy weather in California "couldn't have come at a worse possible time. Today was the day NBC was supposed… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Yesterday President Obama said, 'We can't continue to treat tax money like monopoly money.' Oh really - how come all those guys… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Barack Obama said today that politics has become too gummed up by money and influence ... and then he had to leave… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
President Bush says he has just one question for the American voters, 'Is the rich person you're working for better off now… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
The latest issue of GQ magazine, John Kerry talks about what a man should look for in a woman. GQ? If John… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
This Osama bin Laden guy, spoiled rich kid worth $300M. I have three words for this guy: Anna Nicole Smith. We send… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
It seems that England's royal family is running out of money. They are down to just $1.6 million. Well sure, that's what… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Bush reiterated his stand to conservatives opposing his decision on stem cell research. He said today he believes life begins at conception and ends… — Jay Leno Copy Share
There is a nationwide shortage of drugs for Attention Deficit Disorder. The FDA says they're not sure how it happened. I guess somebody wasn't… — Jay Leno Copy Share
“Leno said the rainy weather in California "couldn't have come at a worse possible time. Today was the day NBC was supposed to burn… — Jay Leno Copy Share
Donald Trump said he will not decide about a possible run for the presidency until after the current season of Celebrity Apprentice wraps up.… — Jay Leno Copy Share
American forces in Iraq found $650 million in American cash sealed in a hidden cottage. See, this is why President Bush wants to invade… — Jay Leno Copy Share
I wanted to have a career in sports when I was young, but I had to give up the idea. I'm only six feet… — Jay Leno Copy Share
Texas Gov. Rick Perry referred to the Mexican city of Juarez as the most dangerous city in America. In his defense, he probably just… — Jay Leno Copy Share
You can tell you ate too much for Thanksgiving when you have to let your bathrobe out. — Jay Leno Copy Share
The Mayans have predicted the world is supposed to end on December 21. If the world doesn't end on December 21, you can bet… — Jay Leno Copy Share
The Globe reports that North Korean dictator Kim Jong-Il raises money by selling fake Viagra pills. What it is about this guy? None of… — Jay Leno Copy Share
Here is your government at work. A congressman from Colorado said he wants to draft a rule that would make it unethical to have… — Jay Leno Copy Share
Jack Abramoff is going to testify against some of the other weasels in Congress. A lobbyist testifying against congressmen? How many Bibles are going… — Jay Leno Copy Share
Tomorrow, America's most famous hockey mom, Sarah Palin, will drop the ceremonial first puck at the Philadelphia Flyers game. Right afterwards, she'll get out… — Jay Leno Copy Share
