Men aren't allowed to have self-esteem, because we're already supposed to have all the power… But most men earn less than they want, barely the minimum wage. They're drones. They do stuff they don't want to do to support their… — Tim Allen Copy Share Image
My mom said the only reason men are alive is for lawn care and vehicle maintenance. — Tim Allen Copy Share
Sometimes you get the sense that the Creator is getting to that point of "Yeah, we might have to reboot." — Tim Allen Copy Share
My wife loves cars, but the difference is she doesn't have 20 years of understanding the background of them. She basically drives them and… — Tim Allen Copy Share
A car crossed two lanes of traffic, flipped, and landed on my dad's car. I don't blame cars. My dad loved cars. I don't… — Tim Allen Copy Share
Dogs will eat till they die. Cats will leave food in the dish, incomprehensible to a dog. — Tim Allen Copy Share
Women now have choices. They can be married, not married, have a job, not have a job, be married with children, unmarried with children.… — Tim Allen Copy Share
Speeding is like drugs. It makes everything come at you fast, and when you go back to normal driving, safe driving, prudent driving, it… — Tim Allen Copy Share
While awaiting sentencing, I decided to give stand-up comedy a shot. The judge had suggested I get my act together, and I took him… — Tim Allen Copy Share
To get a man's attention, just stand in front of the TV and don't move. He'll talk to you. I promise. — Tim Allen Copy Share
They say you only go around once, but with a muscle car you can go around two or three times. — Tim Allen Copy Share
It's true; I have a skill and it's... it has not related to acting, it's not related to auditions, it's not related to studios,… — Tim Allen Copy Share
I blend memories. I blend them into one that's funny. I exaggerate to clarify. — Tim Allen Copy Share
When I went to jail, reality hit so hard that it took my breath away, took my stance away, took my strength away. I… — Tim Allen Copy Share
