“But the future is uncertain, and he can’t get up enough enthusiasm even to masturbate.” — M.R. Carey Copy Share Image
“I do not masturbate often. Though at times I do so almost without being aware of it, actually.” — David Markson Copy Share Image
Whenever I masturbate I always pretend my right hand has a British accent. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
There are two types of people in this world, people who masturbate and liars. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Whenever you're feeling sad masturbate, because every sad story deserves a happy ending. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Life is full of important decisions like whether or not you got time to masturbate. — Peter Griffin Copy Share Image
Always masturbate, because there's homeless kids in Africa with no arms who can't. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
“We would not be ashamed of doing some of the things we do in private, if the number of sane human beings… — Mokokoma Mokhonoana Copy Share Image
Every time I talk to a fancy journalist and they ask what I do in my free time my scumbag brain goes… — Anna Kendrick Copy Share Image
When I masturbate I fantasize about having my own apartment. I used to think about Cindy Crawford now I think about leaving… — Greg Giraldo Copy Share Image
I masturbate. A lot. And yet, I don't floss because it's too much of a hassle. Ten seconds of joy over a… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
Pardon me but I was just about to go home and masturbate and I was wondering if you'd mind if I fantasize… — Green Monk Copy Share Image
The truth is that, after 30 years old, men still masturbate. There are still sexual problems that arise for guys. — Jason Biggs Copy Share Image
I watched the footage of Saddam being executed, and it really made me think...is there nothing on the internet that I won't… — Frankie Boyle Copy Share Image
I'm pretty sure my grandmom watches over me whenever I masturbate. The sound of that walker is so unbearable. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
“When you were little and you were afraid of the boogey man, getting under the covers meant he couldn't see you or… — Tara Sivec Copy Share Image
Good old Pete. That's me. But I find it hard to think of myself in the first person when I'm writing about… — Pete Townshend Copy Share Image
Regard yourself as a small corporation of one. Take yourself off on team-building exercises (long walks). Hold a Christmas party every year… — Will Self Copy Share Image
Ultimately, of what possible social significance is it if a person likes to masturbate over a shoe? It may even be non-consensual,… — Gayle Rubin Copy Share Image
“Some women do not masturbate for pleasure; they masturbate to make a political statement: to remind us that women do not really… — Mokokoma Mokhonoana Copy Share Image
“There will be others, many others. You’ll try desperately to digest a single word through the acronym-laden gibberish, while beginning to wonder… — Colin Nissan Copy Share Image
I was stuck in traffic one day and just kinda thought it would be funny to masturbate. It was sunny and clear… — Zach Braff Copy Share Image
“But the future is uncertain, and he can't get up enough enthusiasm even to masurbate.” — M.R. Carey Copy Share Image
“He looked as shocked as if I'd asked him to masturbate in front of me.” — Dia Reeves Copy Share Image
Youre probably doing something wrong if you have to give a press conference every time you masturbate. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Never masturbate to a fantasy involving anyone you might actually have to interact with. Trust me. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Above all others I pity the homeless: where can they go to masturbate? — Robert Clark Copy Share Image
If you can't sit in a public transport and masturbate then we can't be friends. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
