“The more specific you are about your resolution, the better your chance of sticking with it. Don’t just say, “I want to lose weight.” Say, “When my arm jiggles, I want it to look less like a pelican’s throat-pouch choking… — Colin Nissan Copy Share Image
“Do you like flora and fauna? How about plants and animals? Because we have more of that beautiful crap than we know what to do with. Charmingly domesticated troops of monkeys swing freely throughout our orchid-laden property. You’re probably thinking that a lot of all-inclusive resorts have monkeys. True, but only one resort packs a monkey for each of their… — Colin Nissan Copy Share
“Are you having fun playing with those plastic 3-D models of ears, noses and throats? That’s kind of like what I do, except instead… — Colin Nissan Copy Share Image
“There will be others, many others. You’ll try desperately to digest a single word through the acronym-laden gibberish, while beginning to wonder what the point of all this is, and also why you didn’t feel that staple you just sent into your thigh. You usually do. You’ll wonder what your company even does. After six years, you have no idea… — Colin Nissan Copy Share
“Snorkel through our vibrant menagerie of fish and marine life, each one of which has been clearly tagged and labeled for your convenience. Do you think the jokers at Sandals would do that for you? We’ve stocked our ivory reef with disparate creatures from all over the world, creating a lavishly unbalanced ecosystem that you have to see to believe.… — Colin Nissan Copy Share
“There are five types of laughter to choose from. You can giggle, chuckle, howl, chortle, and, in extreme cases when you’re wearing a monocle,… — Colin Nissan Copy Share Image
“If you come a little closer you will see that I am depicted as having three penises. Of course I’m not insinuating that I… — Colin Nissan Copy Share Image
“I hate Risk. I have for many years now. I hate that you still like Risk. I hate that you guilt me into playing… — Colin Nissan Copy Share Image
“The subject matter of daydreams has been determined by modern science to vary widely, ranging from having sex with a stranger on a train… — Colin Nissan Copy Share Image
“LEARN FROM THE MASTERS: Mark Twain once said, “Show, don’t tell.” This is an incredibly important lesson for writers to remember; never get such… — Colin Nissan Copy Share Image
“Writing is a muscle. Smaller than a hamstring and slightly bigger than a bicep, and it needs to be exercised to get stronger. Think… — Colin Nissan Copy Share Image
“If you decide to cut something out this year, try replacing it with something else to balance out the loss. If you stop drinking… — Colin Nissan Copy Share Image
“For a beverage, you asked for some “cherry-assed Kool Aid.” Okay, now you’re just adding “assed” in places where it doesn’t even make sense.… — Colin Nissan Copy Share Image
