“I've decided Mom's boyfriends are a lot like U.S. Presidents. You keep thinking they can't get any worse. And then she comes up with a Lance Wescott.” — C.D. Payne Copy Share Image
One of the tragic consequences of divorce is that the kids are legally obligated by the courts to spend a fixed amount of time… — C.D. Payne Copy Share Image
“As much as I think about sex, I can only with extreme difficulty conceive of myself actually performing the act. And here's another thing… — C.D. Payne Copy Share Image
I have found that people who can successfully resist temptation invariably lead depressingly stunted lives. — C.D. Payne Copy Share Image
Now I know why women get their ears pierced. Once they've survived this ordeal of mutilation, they can face the discomforts of childbirth with… — C.D. Payne Copy Share Image
Consider, if you will, the morning boner. What a metaphor of hope and renewal! How can anyone give way to despair when one’s groin… — C.D. Payne Copy Share Image
Confession can be good for the soul, but it can exact a heavy toll on friendships. — C.D. Payne Copy Share Image
Do you suppose the human race invented boredom to make the prospect of death more palatable? — C.D. Payne Copy Share Image
“Dwayne! Don't be ridiculous. Guy's don't share their girlfriends.' Why not?' Because they don't. Men are instinctually competitive. It's so there'll be lots of… — C.D. Payne Copy Share Image
“I've decided Mom's boyfriends are a lot like U.S. Presidents. You keep thinking they can't get any worse. And then she comes up with… — C.D. Payne Copy Share Image
I take it, then, Vijay, you are still a virgin?'Yes, and I find it extremely galling. When Gandhi was my age he had already… — C.D. Payne Copy Share Image
“Fuel-efficient my big engine is not. I drove 38 miles and burned through more than a quarter-tank of expensive premium gas. Every time I… — C.D. Payne Copy Share Image
