I don't care if you think I'm racist. I just want you to think I'm thin. — Sarah Silverman Copy Share Image
If you quit being cunty, the whole world will stop being against you. — Sarah Silverman Copy Share Image
Strippers should be role-models for little girls. If only for the fact that they wax their assholes. — Sarah Silverman Copy Share Image
I became known for surprising audiences. Except now, if I surprise them every time, they expect that. — Sarah Silverman Copy Share Image
If you take a shower with your boyfriend, I guarantee by the time you step out of that shower, your breasts will… — Sarah Silverman Copy Share Image
If you decide to do comedy that involves risk, risk means risk, and you can't complain of flesh wounds if you sit… — Sarah Silverman Copy Share Image
It's just hard to say, "Well, I do this, which means this." If I'm telling you exactly who I am, then there's… — Sarah Silverman Copy Share Image
If I were somebody else looking at my character, I'd be like, "She's beautiful." I'm practicing. I'm not succeeding. — Sarah Silverman Copy Share Image
If my Catholic boyfriend and I ever have a kid, we'll just be honest with it. We'll say that Mommy is one… — Sarah Silverman Copy Share Image
I'm not wanting and I don't live in a hovel, but if you keep your costs low, you can do what you… — Sarah Silverman Copy Share Image
I learned pretty early is I never defend my material; it's for other people to if someone is offended. It's so subjective,… — Sarah Silverman Copy Share Image
Nothing is taboo if you have an angle on it. That said, critiquing women's human shells isn't my thang. Though there's probably… — Sarah Silverman Copy Share Image
Why would I become involved with something that doesn't include everyone? If you're getting married today, it's the equivalent of joining a… — Sarah Silverman Copy Share Image
I think the difference between being miserable and finding happiness is just a matter of perspective. If you live your life defining… — Sarah Silverman Copy Share Image
If you sell the Vatican and you take that money and you use it to feed every single human being on the… — Sarah Silverman Copy Share Image
I've never had an abortion. And I don't know if I would. But, it doesn't mean that I wouldn't fight to the… — Sarah Silverman Copy Share Image
If I have to write by a certain time, I can pull through, but usually I just let stuff happen, hanging out… — Sarah Silverman Copy Share Image
I love going to weddings. And I love it when my friends get married. I'm not against marriage but it's just not… — Sarah Silverman Copy Share Image
She, uh, came out of the closet recently, my niece. Um... She announced to the family that she's a lesbian and... She's… — Sarah Silverman Copy Share Image
I do enjoy and feel compelled to talk about things that are taboo. One, because I think I'm a troublemaker inside, if… — Sarah Silverman Copy Share Image
My mom was always someone who if, even now, I say I met a certain famous person, she always says, "She's married… — Sarah Silverman Copy Share Image
I don't think half my stuff would be funny if the audience didn't feel at least a little bit safe that it's… — Sarah Silverman Copy Share Image
If we can send a person to the moon, we can send someone with AIDS to the moon, and then someday we… — Sarah Silverman Copy Share Image
It's really stupid to defend your own jokes. That is for other people to do if they choose to. — Sarah Silverman Copy Share Image
I like trying jokes and seeing the response, and if I end up doing it in my act, it won't be 140… — Sarah Silverman Copy Share Image
People who follow their religion to the letter of the law are just silly. I mean, I want to tell Hasidic Jews… — Sarah Silverman Copy Share Image
Comedy can't live within my second-guesses, so I started doing new material. Sometimes I bombed. But you have to be willing to… — Sarah Silverman Copy Share Image
When I was 17, I read a profile of Carol Leifer. Since then, I wanted to be her. I still want to be her. — Sarah Silverman Copy Share
My growing up years, we watched 'Happy Days,' every night. I don't know what was reruns and what was new. — Sarah Silverman Copy Share
People can't help what topics cut them deep. It all depends on who's inferring - and what the contexts of their lives are at… — Sarah Silverman Copy Share
In your twenties, I think you should have all of the sex that you're inclined to have, as long as you're safe about it.… — Sarah Silverman Copy Share
Someone on Twitter sent me a page from a textbook. It had a picture of a football player next to a picture of me.… — Sarah Silverman Copy Share
It fills me with a weird rage to wear shoes that make me not able to walk easily or run if I had to.… — Sarah Silverman Copy Share
If you are truly offended by an 80-year-old man saying you're not funny, then you're probably not funny. — Sarah Silverman Copy Share
“If you’ve ever heard that song by Beyoncé, “Single Ladies,” I am one of the people she’s singing about. I have to be, because… — Sarah Silverman Copy Share
If I were somebody else looking at my character, I'd be like, "She's beautiful." I'm practicing. I'm not succeeding. — Sarah Silverman Copy Share
“People who call themselves divas...you are not a diva. I'm pretty sure you're a cunt.” — Sarah Silverman Copy Share
It's just hard to say, "Well, I do this, which means this." If I'm telling you exactly who I am, then there's nothing for… — Sarah Silverman Copy Share
