Humor Quotes · Page 141

Nobody really knows, but I got a little comedy in me.

— Nicole Ari Parker

“humour is water of the afterlife mixed with the wine of this life”

— Jean Arp

One man's theology is another man's belly laugh.

— Robert A. Heinlein

I'm a huge fan of comedy. I write material whenever I can.

— Dolph Ziggler

“Since when did psychiatry become one big, fat Myspace survey?”

— Nenia Campbell

You can be funny about your kids without being unkind.

— Frank Skinner

I like men who have a future and women who have a past.

— Oscar Wilde

I'm a politician, and as you know, politicians are rarely very funny.

— Nicola Sturgeon

“How come you're always calling that TV weather guy? Yeah you're obsessed with him!”

— Lincoln Peirce

“Whosoever shall not fall by the sword or by famine, shall fall by pestilence so why bother shaving?”

— Woody Allen

“There's never a good time to tell someone that you don't really exist.”

— Philip Ardagh

I suppose you could be a member of a terrorist organization in a non-violent way, in the laundry or the catering department.

— Bill Bailey

Not all horror fans love Evil Dead because of the humor, at least not me.

— Fede Alvarez

“My boyfriend likes to fuck my brains out on our kitchen island. Which tile would you recommend for that?”

— Alice Clayton

“Don't you think men overrate the necessity for humoring everybody's nonsense, till they get despised by the very fools they humor?”

— George Eliot

The essence of humour is surprise; that is why you laugh when you see a joke in Punch.

— A. P. Herbert

If the 'Chappelle's Show' had stayed on, I seriously doubt I would have developed this fast as a stand-up comedian. I probably…

— Charlie Murphy

Humor, in one form or another, is characteristic of every nation; and reflecting the salient points of social and national life, it…

— Agnes Repplier

“Something can be humorous without being funny. The difference is when it’s humorous, a person says, “That’s funny,” and when it’s funny,…

— Jarod Kintz

Comedy is a tool of togetherness. It's a way of putting your arm around someone, pointing at something, and saying, 'Isn't it…

— Kate McKinnon

In a blackout, a Polish man was stuck on an escalator for two hours. I asked him, "Why didn't you walk down?"…

— Henny Youngman

“It’s like everyone has a central dilemma in their life, and mine was can you be in a committed, mature, loving adult…

— David Nicholls

“The word conscience covers as a matter of fact several different feelings; the simplest of these is the fear of being found…

— Bertrand Russell

“I don't use airplane bathrooms. As a rule. And I really don't like breaking rules. (It's kind of one of my rules.)…

— Lauren Morrill

In the wise words of Mahatma Gandhi: have a sense of humor.

— Drew Chadwick

I would describe my comedy as my skewed comic perception of life.

— John Pinette

“Children in India are going sober.”

— Matthew Benoit

God loves you and He approves of this message.

— Anonymous

“Family. Couldn't live with them, couldn't run a stake through them.”

— Chloe Neill

I suppose I'll have to add the force of gravity to my list of enemies.

— Anonymous

I am not only witty in myself, but the cause that wit is in other men.

— William Shakespeare

Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

— Steven Wright

My father would pass gas and then blame it on imaginary animals.

— Bill Cosby

I wasn't very funny or flashy, I was kind of boring.

— Katie Holmes

“Humor hides pain. The only thing both of them could do was laugh.”

— Soroosh Shahrivar

“Words can be sharp as knives, but cut more deeply.”

— Arash Farzaneh

My good intentions are completely lethal.

— Margaret Atwood

I like smart, funny, self-deprecating men.

— Jules Asner

I'm a ride or die bitch when it comes to Six Flags.

— Lisette Alfaro

“He's named you heir apparent to the Apocalypse. Congratulations.”

— Rachel Caine