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Humor Quotes by Nenia Campbell

41 Humor quotes by Nenia Campbell

All Humor quotes Nenia Campbell’s page

A request to hold a hand while I piss shows Nenia Campbell’s taste for absurd, bold humor. She flips friendship into threats, jokes about love for a tube sock, and mixes sexual innuendo with everyday situations. Her lines often blur the line between comedy and shock, leaving the reader both startled and amused.

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“ Well blow me down with a solar flare. ”

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“Go make love to a tube sock.”

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“I hope you nail the bastard.” So does he. ”

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“Too bad. Game over. Insert new fucking quarter.”

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“Welcome to Arizona, you bastard.”

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“Ça va. Nap time is over.”

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“Butt holes are like a one-way street; they were made the way they were for a reason.”

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“You are fifty different kinds of twisted." "Only fifty? Val, you wound me.”

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“Life's a party. So smile and eat shit and pretend it's fucking caviar.”

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“You shouldn't be wandering around in such a big city all by yourself. Even if it is Seattle.”

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“Most creatures run when they sense danger. People grab a six-pack and a folding chair.”

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“We both want you dead. I'm bringing the friendship bracelets to the next meeting.”

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“Manners,” I say. “It ain't polite to taste people. Shit.”

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“As if I'd had time to drug it in the two milliseconds she'd let me out of her sight.”

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“Boys,” Lindsay agreed, nodding. “What doesn't get lost in translation?” “Things with the letter X in front of them,” Rachel posited. “Like…

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“Now there's a girl I don't want to mess with' — or at least, that's what I would think if I had…

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“You must be a blast on long car rides.” “Oh, I am. You haven't experienced fun until you try to fuck in…

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“I'm pretty sure those're my balls you've found,” I said to the man searching my pants. “You gonna count 'em out now?…

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“Lisa blamed Twilight , and the preconceived notions about men (especially dangerous men) that it tended to form in the impressionable adolescent mind.”

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“Hello, Mrs. Tran...I have David's homework. And if you ever want to see it again, you'll pay me the two million dollars…

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“When they figure out how to bottle up orgasms and sell them as a food additive, I'll be first in line.”

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“Val had a horrific image of Lisa peering through a magnifying glass like a grotesquely teenybopper version of Nancy Drew — in jeggings.”

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“You were a well-respected agent, Michael, a rags-to-riches fairytale ending. Until you became disgraced. Now it appears your own organization wishes to…

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“All right,” she said a little sarcastically. “I was going to assume you liked eating babies and sacrificing virgins, but I might…

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“My sub doesn't pay for me,” he says, pulling me to my feet. “That just doesn't happen.” “But we ordered so much,”…

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“Solus walked over to the young brown-haired man and grabbed him by the front of his shirt, ignoring the look of panic…

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“What is your collective GPA for this year?” “Not as high as I'd like it to be.” Freud steepled his fingers in…

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“I had a fucking standing ovation going on in my goddamn pants, and it was demanding an encore.”

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“I'm sorry I missed the meeting and hurt your little feely-weels okay?”

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“I'm as lucky as a bed of oysters on cioppino night.”

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“You mean you don't want to come in and hold my hand while I piss?”

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“I'm more than a few neurons shy of a synapse right now, and it feels absolutely fan-fucking-tastic.”

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“You couldn't find your dick in the dark, you scheming, sleaze-mongering scumwad.”

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“Since when did psychiatry become one big, fat Myspace survey?”

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“A lot of people have it in for me. It's practically a school sport.”

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“We don't have dealings. He just stalks me. I'm popular like that.”

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“She said my glasses made me look like a butch jock's locker room bitch.”

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“I can take care of myself,” I said hotly. “Darlin, you don't even know how to pleasure yourself.”

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“When nature calls, I don't let it go to voicemail.”

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“What happened out there?” “I almost got quarking toasted by a dragon.” “A dragon,” he repeats, scandalized. “Are you mad? Or have…

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More by Nenia Campbell

“Once upon a time, there was a naïve and innocent girl who thought she could tame the beast and live happily ever after. But…

“When we mated I felt your heart stop beating and it was as if the world had stopped turning. It was only while surrounded…

“You mean you don't want to come in and hold my hand while I piss?”

“He was everything your mother warned you about when she told you not to walk alone in the dark.”

“They said the shape-shifters fucked with the enthusiasm of animals—if they didn't devour you with the enthusiasm of one first.”

“No. I made that choice. I let all that anger and pain get twisted up in my thoughts for you.” He leaned in. “It…

“We both want you dead. I'm bringing the friendship bracelets to the next meeting.”

“She has built her whole life on the foundation of beauty: each chiseled plane, each sloping dimple, each soft curve as crucial as keystones…

“Does your family play games, too?" She tries to sound off-hand. "No. Just me - and my brother." Which means her parents are in…

“I feel I could kill. I feel that I might like it. And I know that this should scare me. But it doesn't. It…

“If people are meant to live, they'll live. If not, more room for the rest of us.”

“You were a well-respected agent, Michael, a rags-to-riches fairytale ending. Until you became disgraced. Now it appears your own organization wishes to be rid…

“If a woman defined herself solely by the man she was with—and vice versa—the world would be a very shallow and insipid place, indeed.”

“Everyone needs to escape sometimes, and retreating into somebody else's fantasy isn't nearly as satisfying as slipping into your own.”

“But fairytales were, at best, dirty mirrors whose warped and pitted surfaces reflected a highly distorted view of the truth, quite different from reality.”