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Humor Quotes by Neil Gaiman

53 Humor quotes by Neil Gaiman

All Humor quotes Neil Gaiman’s page

Neil Gaiman mixes funny ideas with a hint of danger, reminding us that a laugh can hide a sharp edge. He paints odd scenes like a haunted makeup department, an imaginary rope tugged at the ear, and a bathroom that seems to grow its own tiny life forms. These quirky images show humor that is both playful and a little spooky, and they invite us to imagine the unexpected.

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“Grahame Coats did not go for walks; he had people to do that for him.”

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“[Dream] I do not want a grape. [Desire] I could make you want one.”

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“Silas consumed only one food, and it was not bananas.”

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“Mrs. Whitaker found the Holy Grail; it was under a fur coat.”

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“Daddy", she said, "you've made a recipe again.”

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“And he showed Shadow how to do the thing.”

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“Hell may have all the best composers, but heaven has all the best choreographers.”

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“Can I help you?" said the footman. Richard had been told to fuck off and die with more warmth and good humor.”

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“I cross two fingers, a binary precaution against hex, effective as superconductor or simple superstition.”

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“Been there, Remiel. Done that. Wore the T-Shirt, ate the burger, bought the original cast album, choreographed the legions of the damned…

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“I think that there should have been some nice wumpires," said my sister, wistfully. "Nice, handsome, misunderstood wumpires." "There were not," said…

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You must never imagine, that just because something is funny, it is not also dangerous.

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“She had a face which was not so much freckled as one big freckle with occasional areas of skin.”

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I wanted to write something that would be a comedy in the sense of making people feel happier when they finish it…

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“The abbot cleared his throat. "You are all very stupid people," he told them graciously, "and you do not know anything at…

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“She haunted the makeup department until she was bored, then took a look around home furnishings. She wasn't ever going to get…

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There's a glorious sense of freedom in comedy, just allowing myself to tell jokes, allowing myself to interrupt myself and tell old…

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“And the state of his bathroom -- I'm not one to gossip, but there are things crusted on his sink that have…

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“Would you think,” Richard asked, “that I was being picky if I pointed out that trying to find something with an angel…

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“I once made up a story as a wedding present for some friends. It was about a couple who were given a…

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With pornography, if you don't get hard or wet, depending on your gender, it didn't work. With humour, if you don't laugh…

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I came to the conclusion that in comedy, everybody gets what they need, whereas in horror, everybody gets what they deserve. I…

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“Everything had been going so well, he'd had it really under his thumb these few centuries. That's how it goes, you think…

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“It was a trick he had found in Perplexing Parlour Illusions, but the instructions were infuriating, unhelpful and vague. Phrases like 'then…

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“(...) and now only fragments of conversation would come back every now and again. "Goldie is, like, such a good dog, and…

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You get work however you get work, but keep people keep working in a freelance world (and more and more of todays…

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“Richard had met Jessica in France, on a weekend trip to Paris two years earlier; had in fact discovered her in the…

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“Oh - that family, yes. There are still some photos of them around here. They look like nice people, don't they?" They...'…

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“Right. Right. Well, if you do see a flying UFO, these government men come and tell you off," said Adam, getting back…

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“If you sit down and think about it sensibly , you come up with some very funny ideas. Like: why make people…

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“He thought about going out and buying a Sunday paper but decided not to. Arnold Stockton, Jessica’s boss, a many-chinned, self-made caricature…

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“I know that David Tennant's Hamlet isn't till July. And lots of people are going to be doing Dr Who in Hamlet…

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“It was sort of like Macbeth , thought Fat Charlie, an hour later; in fact, if the witches in Macbeth had been…

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“Along with the standard computer warranty agreement which said that if the machine 1) didn't work, 2) didn't do what the expensive…

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“You know, one time I saw Tiger down at the water hole: he had the biggest testicles of any animal, and the…

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“In fact, the only things in the flat Crowley devoted any personal attention to were the houseplants. They were huge, and green,…

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“Inside the pub, Richard's friends continued to celebrate his forthcoming departure with an enthusiasm that, to Richard, was beginning to border on…

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“I'm a mother," said her mother, in her foodless flat where the dust did not dare to settle, "and I know what…

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“But that's how it goes; you think you're on top of the world, and suddenly they spring Armageddon on you.”

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“There is nothing in the whole of creation as beautiful as dinosaurs singing in harmony.”

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More by Neil Gaiman

“People talk about books that write themselves, and it's a lie. Books don't write themselves. It takes thought and research and a backache and…

“Like all sentient beings, Fat Charlie had a weirdness quotient. For some days the needle had been over in the red, occasionally banging jerkily…

“Shadow crawled across the floor to the yellow foam-rubber pad and climbed onto it, pulling the thin blanket over himself, and closed his eyes,…

“[T]hey could not help being amused every time another little human believed itself the center of its world, as each of us does.”

So many things to see, people to do.

“Three may keep a secret, if two of them are dead.’ – Ben Franklin,”

You need more than a beginning if you're going to start a book. If all you have is a beginning, then once you've written…

You can tell the date of an old science fiction novel by every word on the page. Nothing dates harder and faster and more…

“The quickest way is sometimes the longest.”

“They were spells, spelled with words to make worlds, waiting for me, in the pages of books.”

Finish what you're writing. Whatever you have to do to finish it, finish it.

What do stars do? They shine.

“What," asked Mr Croup, "do you want?" "What," asked the Marquis de Carabas, a little more rhetorically, "does anyone want?" "Dead things," suggested Mr…

You get on with your own life. Lettie gave it to you. You just have to grow up and try and be worth it.

“Eyes will not see you. Minds will not hold you. Where you are is nothing and nobody”