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Humor Quotes by Kurt Vonnegut

50 Humor quotes by Kurt Vonnegut

All Humor quotes Kurt Vonnegut’s page

Kurt Vonnegut says jokes can be risky because they often point to hard truths. He treats laughter and tears as equal reactions when people feel frustrated or exhausted. His humor also mixes absurd images, like a lamp post, with sharp political satire.

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“Billy Pilgrim has become unstuck in time.”

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“The horse jumped over the fucking fence.”

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“Potential terrorist is a terrorist”

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“Low comedy, empty heroics and pointless death”

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Humor is an almost physiological response to fear.

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“Goodness me, the clock has struck- Alackday, and fuck my luck.”

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“Me and Mike, ve vork in mine. Holy shit, ve have good time. Vunce a veek ve get our pay. Holy shit,…

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Laughter or crying is what a human being does when there's nothing else he can do.

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“And yet another moral occurs to me now: Make love when you can. It's good for you.”

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Humor is a way of holding off how awful life can be, to protect yourself.

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The bounties of space, of infinite outwardness, were three: empty heroics, low comedy, and pointless death.

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“They called themselves "The Febs," which was an acronym for "Four-eyed Bastards.”

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When I write, I feel like an armless, legless man with a crayon in his mouth.

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“Only one English word adequately describes his transformation of the islands from worthless to priceless: magical.”

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“What is the secret of life?’ I asked. ‘I forget,’ said Sandra. ‘Protein,’ the bartender declared. ‘They found something out about protein.‘…

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“I can still remember what I was like when I was sixteen. It was hell to be that excited. Then as now,…

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“I can think of another quickie education for a child, which, in its way, is almost as salutary: Meeting a human being…

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I'm screamingly funny, you know, I really am in the books. And that helps because I'm funnier than a lot of people,…

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“Humor is a way of holding off how awful life can be, to protect yourself. Finally, you get just too tired, and…

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“Laughs are exactly as honorable as tears. Laughter and tears are both responses to frustration and exhaustion, to the futility of thinking…

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“Find a subject you care about and which you in your heart feel others should care about. It is this genuine caring,…

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“No wonder kids grow up crazy. A cat's cradle is nothing but a bunch of X's between somebody's hands, and little kids…

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“The books he and his supporters wanted out of the schools, one of mine among them, were not pornographic, although he would…

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“The troops and their ladies had first drunk champagne. There were also remains of sandwiches, and I stepped on one, which I…

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“The Blue Fairy Godmother knew something about killing. He gave Lazzaro a careful smile. "There is still time for me to kill…

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“Love is where you find it. I think it is foolish to go around looking for it, and I think it can…

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“The fortifications have never been attacked, nor has any sane man ever proposed any reason why they should be attacked. They have…

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“Bertrand Russell declared that, in case he met God, he would say to Him, "Sir, you did not give us enough information."…

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“Here is a lesson in creative writing. First rule: Do not use semicolons. They are transvestite hermaphrodites representing absolutely nothing. All they…

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“Well finish your story anyway." Where was I?" The bubonic plague. The bulldozer was stalled by corpses." Oh, yes. Anyway, one sleepless…

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“Many years ago I was so innocent I still considered it possible that we could become the humane and reasonable America so…

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“This country," said Eliot, "had tremendous research projects devoted to fighting odors. They were supported by individual contributions given to mothers who…

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“The girl with the greyhound was an assistant lighting director for a musical comedy about American history, and she kept her poor…

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“Once I understood what was making America such a dangerous, unhappy nation of people who had nothing to do with real life,…

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“A lot of the nonsense was the innocent result of playfulness on the part of the founding fathers of the nation of…

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The best jokes are dangerous, and dangerous because they are in some way truthful.

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“A lamb was a young animal which was legendary for sleeping well on the planet Earth.”

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“The last thing I ever wanted was to be alive when the three most powerful people on the whole planet would be…

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I had made her so unhappy that she had developed a sense of humor. [-Rabo Karabekian]

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“Why don't you take a flying fuck at a rolling doughnut? Why don't you take a flying fuck at the mooooooooooooon?”

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More by Kurt Vonnegut

“You must bloom as a writer and I must bloom as a painter. Everything else about us is uninteresting.”

“People aren't supposed to look back.”

“Have a good nap, did you?” said the porter. “Yes,” said Billy. “Man,” said the porter, “you sure had a hard-on.”

“I told him that if we doubted that we are demons in Hell, he should read The Mysterious Stranger, which Mark Twain wrote in…

“Thomas Jefferson High School [..] His high school was named after a slave owner who was also one of the world’s greatest theoreticians on…

“I had a certain amount of skill as a dramatist, and Dr. Goebbels wanted me to use it”

I was some of the mud that got to sit up and look around. Lucky me, lucky mud.

“The town was Newport, Rhode Island, U.S.A., Earth, Solar System, Milky Way.”

“Her face was one of a kind, a surprising variation that made observers think, Yes--that would be another very nice way for people to…

“You finally fell in love, I see,” said Salo. “Only an Earthling year ago,” said Constant. “It took us that long to realize that…

“Like all Earthlings at the point of death, Mary Young sent faint reminders of herself to those who had known her. She released a…

“And contrast Mary Kathleen, if you will, with my wife Ruth, the Ophelia of the death camps, who believed that even the most intelligent…

Someday, someday, this crazy world will have to end, And our God will take things back that He to us did lend. And if,…

“They were going back to the slaughterhouse for souvenirs of the war.”

“There are plenty of good reasons for fighting," I said, "but no good reason ever to hate without reservation, to imagine that God Almighty…