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Humor Quotes by Ilona Andrews

38 Humor quotes by Ilona Andrews

All Humor quotes Ilona Andrews’s page

He hung his head. “Am I punished?” a moment that leads to absurd over‑the‑top threats. The quotes swing from ridiculous punishments, like a throne of snakes, to exaggerated fights where a character vows to kick anyone who hurts a loved one. The humor thrives on vivid, larger‑than‑life images.

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“Rogan gave him a flat stare. Lesser men would’ve fled for their life, but Augustine was clearly made of sterner stuff.”

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“I hit him on the back of the neck. He submerged. Help. I've drowned the Beast Lord. ”

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Did the Order return your sense of humor as part of the severance package?

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“Just wait until he figures out I shut him out of his slut hut.”

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“I'm Mr.Ripped. I live in the gym. My teeth have biceps and my biceps have teeth. I chew up weights and shit…

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“I suggest you give up now. According to my research, in a vampire-werewolf love triangle, the vampire always gets the girl.”

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“We can get you a throne with snakes. I’ll stand next to you and roar at anybody who fails to grovel. Fear…

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“He hung his head. “Am I punished?” “Yes. I’m too mad to punish you right now. We’ll talk about it when we…

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“She swept away, putting an extra kink into her walk. I would not have thought that a woman with an ass that…

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“Are we going to school today?” “No. “Great. Then I’m going to go outside and see if I can get a gun.…

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“In my experience, the ex-military guys came in two types. The first grew long hair, sprouted beards, and indulged in all the…

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“What’s this ” “A needle.” “What should I do with it ” He’d walked right into it. Too easy. “Please use it…

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“Hey, would you look at that shit?" I turned on my heel. The patrons who’d fled at the first hint of trouble…

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“You will show that thing to me and from now on, I will deal with them." I opened my eyes really wide…

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“It seems that the young woman made some indelicate suggestion of a threesome...When I got there, Miss Nash was standing by the…

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“Sit your ass down, Don Juanabe," Derek said. "Don Juanabe?" Ascanio pulled out his swords. "Don Juan Wannabe," Derek explained. "See I…

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“Tension fled from me. Tomorrow I would worry about Hugh d’Ambray and Andrea and Roland, but now I was simply happy. Aaahh.…

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“Quick, Derek, it's your chance to shine," Ascanio said. Derek gave him a withering look. "Desandra is a mother, Robert is married,…

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“I ripped my left arm out of his hand and slammed my elbow into his solar plexus. He exhaled in a gasp.…

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“He stepped forward. “We’ve been together a year. How many times have you seen me hunt?” Umm. “How many times, Kate?” “None.”…

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“Because that's what it would catch in the wild, a boar, right? I can't wait to see a pack of bunnycats take…

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“My point is, I would never hurt you or your family.” I raised my chin at him. “If you tried to hurt…

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“Grigorii spared a single glance in his brother’s direction. If looks were daggers, that one would’ve sliced straight through the volhv’s heart.…

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“I gave him my Order smile: sweet grin, hard eyes, reached over to my passenger seat, and pulled out my submachine gun.…

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“So crosses don't do anything against your kind?" Sean asked. "No," Arland said. "There is no mystical force repelling us." "Then why?"…

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“She crouched with her hand out. What the hell was she doing… "Here, kitty, kitty, kitty." Oh my God, she was retarded…

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“I clawed my eyes open and rolled off my bed. For some reason, someone had moved the floor several feet lower than…

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I have a serious question." "I will give a serious answer." "Can a god be killed?" The humor drained from Roman's face.…

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“You think this is some sort of comedy going on here?” Collins gave him his tough stare. A little red spark flared…

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“Eat slowly," the blueblood said. "Don't cut your food with the fork. Cut it with the knife, and make the pieces small…

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“For me hotness was a complicated matter involving brains, humor, and some other things, but all that aside, I was willing to…

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“I once took a city with five men and a lame goat. If I can do that, you can convince the necromancers…

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“Built in an elegant fusion of Italianate, French, and early Disney styles, this magnificent estate offers a thousand bathrooms for all of…

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“Kate& Derek “No, Kate, you don’t understand. He vanished. He was there one moment and then he was gone.” I couldn’t resist.…

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“And how is His Great Fussiness today?” Derek’s eyes sparked a bit. “His Majesty is in an ill humor. Rumors are flying…

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“Go play your games with Jim. I'll find you both when I need you." Arrogant asshole. "I tell you what, if you…

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“You want me to go back into that house protected by a magic sticky note?” “Don’t even start,” I told him. “It’s…

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“A rolled-up newspaper landed on my head and then on Jim’s. “None of that in my house!” Oh my gods. The alpha…

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More by Ilona Andrews

“Did he kill Grandmother?” I whispered. “Don’t be ridiculous,” Erra’s voice said in my ear. “She is already dead. Besides, your grandmother was the…

The only way to make sure that the Hand didn't get to you would have been to kill your brother. I could've done it,…

“He hit her with his best smile. Her eyes widened. She took a deep breath. 'Oh no, not that seductive face. I'm overcome with…

“Because he doesn’t want me talking to my grandmother.” Barabas looked at Curran. Curran shrugged. “It’s a family thing. Sometimes your father puts your…

I had forgotten that talking to you is like trying to pet a cactus." Saiman said dryly. "Thank you for reminding me." "Always happy…

« He squeezed his hands into fists. I picked up a grapefruit-sized rock and handed it to him. It went flying. Home run, Beast…

“He came for me. I couldn’t believe it. He came for me . Into a flying palace full of thousands of armed rakshasas in…

Saiman picked up a coffee mug, stared at it, and hurled it against the wall. It shattered into a dozen pieces. We looked at…

“Slowly the reality of the situation sank in. He got his ass kicked, learned nothing, and got saved by a dumb dog and an…

“I paused with the pen in my hand. "He burst into flames?" "He became engulfed in fire." "Was his buddy made out of orange…

“He hung his head. “Am I punished?” “Yes. I’m too mad to punish you right now. We’ll talk about it when we get home.…

The pervert." "He prefers to think of himself as sexual deviant." "Semantics.

“I want you to understand me. This isn’t vengeance. This is punishment.”

He snarled. I showed him my teeth. A rolled-up newspaper landed on my head and then on Jim’s. “None of that in my house!”…

The door swung open and Kate walked in. Her jeans and T-shirt were splattered with blood and she was carrying a severed vampire head.…