“Piggy’s self-esteem didn’t seem to ruffle from rejection after rejection, but that bitch is like Beyoncé, who is made of steel, and possibly from outer space.” — Julie Klausner Copy Share Image
“Jealousy always trumps schadenfreude! It’s a rule from the heartbreak version of ‘rock, paper, scissors.” — Julie Klausner Copy Share Image
I've tried open-ended jobs and found myself incredibly unhappy. I don't like the monomania of showing up every day and doing the same thing.… — Julie Klausner Copy Share Image
When I first started on Twitter, a relative asked, 'Aren't you concerned with giving away your jokes?' I don't think of it that way.… — Julie Klausner Copy Share Image
I have never been one for musicians. I know girls are supposed to go crazy for frontmen who close their eyes when they sing… — Julie Klausner Copy Share Image
“Pam (from The Office) is not intimidating, like one of those women who wears makeup and tailored clothes, and has a good job that… — Julie Klausner Copy Share Image
In all seriousness, I don't get people who need to make a proposal a bigger deal than marriage already is. — Julie Klausner Copy Share Image
What else don’t women like besides the Three Stooges? Tom Waits. Being hurt physically or emotionally. — Julie Klausner Copy Share Image
I think when it comes to women who write or who fancy ourselves 'hip downtown literati', there is a certain contempt for being overly… — Julie Klausner Copy Share Image
“But more than anything, as a little girl, I wanted to be exactly like Miss Piggy. She was ma heroine. I was a plucky… — Julie Klausner Copy Share Image
It’s important to remember that Mark David Chapman really set a lot of trends: such as the trend of celebrities having bodyguards. — Julie Klausner Copy Share Image
I look forward to the day when being called 'another Monica Lewinsky' refers to the hard work behind a master's degree in social psychology… — Julie Klausner Copy Share Image
If you are making money writing, you are doing great. If you can support yourself writing, you are a success. I don't care if… — Julie Klausner Copy Share Image
The only thing that's a challenge for me is not working. I get depressed when I'm not in motion. — Julie Klausner Copy Share Image
