I couldn't get away with Halloween pranks 'cause my parents owned the health food store. So, it was so easy to bust me. I was the only kid on the block egging houses with those big 'ole brown eggs. Like,… — Arj Barker Copy Share Image
I quit because I'm so tired of hearing bad news about cigarettes... Even if they discover good news, they don't publicize it - like… — Arj Barker Copy Share Image
I'm not even worried about settling down. I think it's way too early. I'm 25 and I'm in show business. I mean, if things… — Arj Barker Copy Share Image
Google is ridiculous. Everyone uses Google, and that's why Google has such an attitude. Because it's so popular, it's conceited. I mean, it has… — Arj Barker Copy Share Image
My general rule of thumb is, once something's a ride at Disneyland, I assume that it is no longer a threat in real life.… — Arj Barker Copy Share Image
I could've enjoyed a cigarette if I smoked back before everyone knew it was bad - say, like, 1923. Everybody smoked back then. There was no medical information against it; they had no idea - it was a paradise. It was a smoker's paradise: 'They're taking my lung out next week. I don't know why. Doctor thinks maybe I'm brushing… — Arj Barker Copy Share
There's no razor in candy. If for no other reason, it doesn't make financial sense. It's not fiscally prudent. How much does a piece of candy cost - like, a penny and a half? An apple's like 15 cents? Anybody here bought a Mach 3 replacement cartridge recently? They're so expensive, they don't even keep them on the shelf. You… — Arj Barker Copy Share
I fainted last night! Luckily I was going to bed at the time so I didn't get hurt. — Arj Barker Copy Share Image
I'm trying to feel terrified and alone. And regret every decision I've ever made, drenched in a cold sweat. It's called going to sleep.… — Arj Barker Copy Share Image
I believe that if you go on a date and get to second base and then you go home alone and rub one out,… — Arj Barker Copy Share Image
I was troubled by the presence of a shoe museum because it forced me to ask a very burning question: would my body be… — Arj Barker Copy Share Image
I never smoke grass and drive my car because, for one thing, no matter how many letters I write to the road commissions, they… — Arj Barker Copy Share Image
