I had five dollars in the bank that I couldn't have for three days until they charged me another 15. Leaving me… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
The only pitch I have to movie people is the same as this one: Just give me $8 million. I'm not telling… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
I have Twitter so I can tell people what I want them to buy and they give me money. — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
I was driving in Manhattan. There's traffic, nobody's moving... The guy behind me is honking just at me. He kept yelling at… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
Technically, I've learned that having good legs and wind is good for being on stage. You have to be in shape and have endurance. — Louis C. K Copy Share
I think I'm past any window where I'm suddenly going to become surprisingly ripped so that people go, 'Oh, my God, what happened to… — Louis C. K Copy Share
I can feel how an audience is reacting when I'm on a stage, but when you are on stage, your perception is distorted. That's… — Louis C. K Copy Share
“You need to develop the ability to just be yourself and not be doing something, that's what the phones are taking away. The ability… — Louis C. K Copy Share
I know what it's like to have a bunch of material that's working that you don't care about. You want to die. — Louis C. K Copy Share
I just love learning. I think learning is how you live. The verb of my life is learning. — Louis C. K Copy Share
There's been a lot of simple vilification of right-wing people. It's really easy to say, 'Well, you're Christian, you're anti-this and that, and I… — Louis C. K Copy Share
“A woman saying yes to a date with a man is literally insane and ill-advised, and the whole species' existence counts on them doing… — Louis C. K Copy Share
When your kid is being selfish or greedy and you want to help them not be that way, you have to find a way… — Louis C. K Copy Share
You have to be really tenacious. You have to keep at it. There are many roads to get there. If you can get yourself… — Louis C. K Copy Share
I'd love to have a shitty job. I couldn't hold any down. Standup was the only thing I could stick with. I'm an idiot… — Louis C. K Copy Share
If you had a jetpack you'd be like I have the shittiest jetpack. Who's your service provider on your jetpack? Did they make the… — Louis C. K Copy Share
