I just had a baby girl. My daughter weighed 27 pounds. She was 3 years old. She was delivered to me by way of the court system and a blood test. — Donnell Rawlings Copy Share Image
I had a dream this girl was cheating on me! I woke up and went back to sleep to find him, he kicked my ass in my dream! — Donnell Rawlings Copy Share Image
Tiger Woods is a billionaire. Do you know how much ass you can get with a billion dollars? I know guys with $20 and… — Donnell Rawlings Copy Share Image
That's why when I talk to younger comics, and they say, 'Well I need this and this, and I need so and so,' I… — Donnell Rawlings Copy Share Image
If Elvis is alive, Tupac is alive. I saw Tupac on 46th Street selling Biggie t-shirts 2 for 10 dollars. — Donnell Rawlings Copy Share Image
Live life to the fullest everyday, 'cause we never know what day will be our last. — Donnell Rawlings Copy Share Image
Tiger Woods is stupid; not for cheating, but for having one cell phone. What type of player you know has one cell phone? — Donnell Rawlings Copy Share Image
Rise and grind... the money ain't gonna wait for you while you sleep son. — Donnell Rawlings Copy Share Image
The better alternative to fighting a guy, go have sex with his girlfriend. That's how you knock a dude out! — Donnell Rawlings Copy Share Image
The best thing about where comedy is now is if you have a little bit of talent and a strong work ethic, and strong… — Donnell Rawlings Copy Share Image
I just had a baby girl. My daughter weighed 27 pounds. She was 3 years old. She was delivered to me by way of… — Donnell Rawlings Copy Share Image
A kid asked me for advise about getting into entertainment? I said you better know how to be happy being broke! — Donnell Rawlings Copy Share Image
I had a dream this girl was cheating on me! I woke up and went back to sleep to find him, he kicked my… — Donnell Rawlings Copy Share Image
When I started off in DC, you didn't get viral first. You got funny first. — Donnell Rawlings Copy Share Image
