SURE-FIRE SINGLES AD: Famous Writer needs woman to organize his life and spend his money. Loves to turn off Sunday football and go to the Botanical Gardens with that special someone. Will obtain plastic surgery if necessary. — Joe Bob Briggs Copy Share Image
If you hate what you're seeing, you call it sex and violence. If you like it, you call it omance and adventure. — Joe Bob Briggs Copy Share Image
They'll give you an Oscar if they think you're about to drop dead. The problem with The Oscars is, the average age of The Academy is 84. They wheel those people in from Palm Springs and hook up their IVs and they vote. The people that go to movies are under the age of 28, for the most part, so… — Joe Bob Briggs Copy Share
I hate The Oscars. The Oscars make me want to throw things at the TV. In the ancient history of The Oscars, people would go on and make political statements and get thrown off the stage, but the last great political statement, I think, was when Michael Moore started raging against Bush a few years back. Everybody booed him, even… — Joe Bob Briggs Copy Share
I love Martin Scorsese, but there's another indication of what The Oscars are all about. They've ignored Martin Scorsese for going on 35 years… — Joe Bob Briggs Copy Share Image
You're not a real Texan till you've been kicked out of every decent state in America. — Joe Bob Briggs Copy Share Image
The best ally you can have in breaking up a street fight is a grandmother. — Joe Bob Briggs Copy Share Image
I always remind people why The Oscars got started in 1928: It was an effort by the studios to suppress the unions. They started… — Joe Bob Briggs Copy Share Image
There is no post-9/11. Everything from now until the end of time is post-9/11. — Joe Bob Briggs Copy Share Image
Everything changed in Bosnia, when General Wesley Clark proved that you could fight a war with high- level precision air strikes and a bare… — Joe Bob Briggs Copy Share Image
Almost every venerable tradition at a men's club starts out as a joke. — Joe Bob Briggs Copy Share Image
In other words, New York has gone all suburban and bourgeois on us. — Joe Bob Briggs Copy Share Image
