I hate to see a woman cry, unless of course I'm crying first in which case I feel it's appropriate. — Dov Davidoff Copy Share Image
I've decided to retreat to the spirit world where I feel appreciated and understood. — Dov Davidoff Copy Share Image
It's difficult to feel silly and depressed at the same time, but I manage. — Dov Davidoff Copy Share Image
You have the attention span of a large bug, and yet I don't feel good enough about myself to not date you. — Dov Davidoff Copy Share Image
Drugs in a disco are great for white people because it allows them to feel more Puerto Rican while dancing. — Dov Davidoff Copy Share Image
I spend so much time alone that whenever I see my shadow I feel crowded. — Dov Davidoff Copy Share Image
We're born alone and we die alone. So in between, let's spend time with people that make us feel good... or at… — Dov Davidoff Copy Share Image
People increase their use of the term 'sir' when their angry. Little do they know, it only causes me to feel more… — Dov Davidoff Copy Share Image
Not sure how I feel about reality. I'm going to begin purchasing stuffed animals and endowing them with the qualities people in… — Dov Davidoff Copy Share Image
Whenever I'm around people it causes me to feel nostalgic for the loneliness that drove me into their presence in the first… — Dov Davidoff Copy Share Image
When cornered, a rattle snake can become so angry it's been known to bite itself, which is exactly how I feel in… — Dov Davidoff Copy Share Image
Finding your voice is something you have to keep working at. Your voice as a comic evolves the same way that you… — Dov Davidoff Copy Share Image
A lot of people wouldn't feel miserable in this environment. A lot of people aren't dating my girlfriend. — Dov Davidoff Copy Share Image
Break ups are painful, but if initiated at the right time can fuel one's sense of optimism. — Dov Davidoff Copy Share
People that say I have a 'fear of commitment' don't understand my relationship with popcorn. — Dov Davidoff Copy Share
Nike store won't accept my Starbucks card as payment. Come on guys, just do it. — Dov Davidoff Copy Share
Most public bathrooms now have automatic toilet sensors. People can't even be trusted to flush. — Dov Davidoff Copy Share
At the gym; I've given up trying to get in really good shape, and re-committed myself to not getting any worse. — Dov Davidoff Copy Share
All politicians promise that which they cannot deliver. I just wish they did so less gleefully. — Dov Davidoff Copy Share
Being anti-social can also mean that you're aware of how annoying it is to be social. — Dov Davidoff Copy Share
Life is fragile, unless your in the NFL in which case you'll need to wear padding. — Dov Davidoff Copy Share
I like to be able to connect with people. And that's how I connect, right away. I like to really talk to somebody. To… — Dov Davidoff Copy Share
Fake titties are inversely proportioned to their owners level of self esteem. This being said, part of me loves them. — Dov Davidoff Copy Share
It's a shame that physical beauty often has such a negative effect on its occupant. — Dov Davidoff Copy Share
Hanging out with women on a platonic level is like spending time with someone from Europe. It's not better or worse, but it is… — Dov Davidoff Copy Share
Life is what you make of it, unless you have tourette's, in which case much becomes involuntary. — Dov Davidoff Copy Share
