I always feel that most political jokes, if you're going to do them, you have to do them within the next five minutes, or else they're outdated. By the time you've got it to the point that it's strong, it… — Gilbert Gottfried Copy Share Image
I can't even find someone for a platonic relationship, much less the kind where someone wants to see me naked. — Gilbert Gottfried Copy Share
With Katrina, it's almost like the sequel that doesn't live up to the original. It's certainly a shocking event and a tragedy, but somehow… — Gilbert Gottfried Copy Share
I've never been one of those who wanted to fill my calendar up 90 percent of the time. — Gilbert Gottfried Copy Share
I always wish the hotels were like they are in movies and TV shows, where if you're in Paris, right outside your window is… — Gilbert Gottfried Copy Share
If the police ever try to pick me up, Michael Jackson told me I can hide out at his house. — Gilbert Gottfried Copy Share
I remember being at the premiere of 'Beverly Hills Cop II' and the tremendous reaction from the crowd outside, then going to a party… — Gilbert Gottfried Copy Share
I just don't accept midgets as human beings. There's only so much political correctness I can accept. — Gilbert Gottfried Copy Share
People have many theories about comedy, but being just plain funny is the one most important thing. — Gilbert Gottfried Copy Share
I found out about Jonathan Winters death a day after it happened. That seems wrong. A talent like his should be more revered. The… — Gilbert Gottfried Copy Share
There are certain things I don't want to joke about. If it's about somebody else, it's fine. If it's about me, I think it's… — Gilbert Gottfried Copy Share
If you have the Old Testament at home, if you flip the corner pages, you can see Jesus riding a horse. — Gilbert Gottfried Copy Share
