“Adults always ask kids how they are doing at school. The one subject kids absolutely hate talking about. You don't even want to talk about school when you are at school.” — David Walliams Copy Share Image
Definitely I love women, I love being around women, I find them incredible and intoxicating, and I've never had that feeling I get with… — David Walliams Copy Share Image
I have a pathological fear of being on my own. When I'm with my own thoughts, I start to unravel myself, and I start… — David Walliams Copy Share Image
I was depressed as a child. I found it hard to make friends. My favourite thing was locking myself in the bathroom and practising… — David Walliams Copy Share Image
“Alberta thought for a moment, and took a live mouse out of her pocket by its tail before dropping it into Wagner’s mouth. The… — David Walliams Copy Share Image
Writing for radio really focuses the mind, because you can't rely on thinking "Oh, just pull a funny face at the end of this… — David Walliams Copy Share Image
There's something about being a comedian that means you have to not be scared of failing because failing is part of the process. — David Walliams Copy Share Image
“nashin awa wi their een watterin. But naebody wis aw that freendly tae him. Naebody stapped for a blether.” — David Walliams Copy Share Image
People think writing a children's book is something you could do in an afternoon but it's actually really hard. — David Walliams Copy Share Image
I think most people that do comedy write for themselves. I don't think there is any other way you can do it, really. Otherwise… — David Walliams Copy Share Image
No more watching that show Small England or whatever it's called where those two idiots dress up as 'laydees'. It's a bad influence. — David Walliams Copy Share Image
“One boy dropped his trousers and did an almighty—!” “I don’t need to know, thank you!” replied Stella, cutting the boy off.” — David Walliams Copy Share Image
“They may have only had one pence to spend, but their hearts beamed with gold.” — David Walliams Copy Share Image
