Early on, I had a girlfriend come see me, and she was like, 'Yeah, it was good, but you were funny at a dining hall at the University of Maryland.' That's when I realized I was contrived. I was reciting… — Ari Shaffir Copy Share Image
The biggest thing I lost when I left religion was that sense of community and the culture. It was an unexpected kind of free-falling.… — Ari Shaffir Copy Share
Early on, I had a girlfriend come see me, and she was like, 'Yeah, it was good, but you were funny at a dining… — Ari Shaffir Copy Share
I don't vote and I don't follow who's trying to rule us. The revolution is coming. Until then, I'll just watch 'Game of Thrones.' — Ari Shaffir Copy Share
I worked for the Comedy Store as an employee trying to become a paid regular. I had this dream of achieving a half hour… — Ari Shaffir Copy Share
Very rarely are you going to see a story about a comic winning a fight. Yeah we're all degenerates in some way and we're… — Ari Shaffir Copy Share
I have a running daydream about winning an Oscar and giving my speech about how ridiculous it is to rank art. And then I'd… — Ari Shaffir Copy Share
I'm just a weird mix of immature and intelligent and I like to share my point of view and who I am. — Ari Shaffir Copy Share
If I focus solely on developing new material, then I can get a new 45 minute to an hour in about six months. Then… — Ari Shaffir Copy Share
