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Children Quotes by Fran Lebowitz

38 Children quotes by Fran Lebowitz

All Children quotes Fran Lebowitz’s page

Fran Lebowitz observes that children ask simple, direct questions like ‘Why is the sky blue?’ and that they often see books as ordinary objects until they discover they’re written. She advises teaching kids deduction over subtraction, and stresses that giving children books can be more valuable than many other interventions.

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Do not elicit your child's political opinions. He doesn't know any more than you do.

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Ask your child what he wants for dinner only if he's buying.

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All God's children are not beautiful. Most of God's children are, in fact, barely presentable.

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If thine enemy offend thee, give his child a drum.

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Even when freshly washed and relieved of all obvious confections, children tend to be sticky.

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Never allow your child to call you by your first name. He hasn't known you long enough.

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Any child who cannot do long division by himself does not deserve to smoke.

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Children are much less annoying [than adults] and they never start trends.

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Notoriously insensitive to subtle shifts in mood, children will persist in discussing the color of a recently sighted cement-mixer long after one's…

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If you don't have children and you don't have a job, you have time for friendship ... People who have jobs are…

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Designer clothes worn by children are like snowsuits worn by adults. Few can carry it off successfully.

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I never met anyone who didn't have a very smart child. What happens to these children, you wonder, when they reach adulthood?

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I must take issue with the term 'a mere child,' for it has been my invariable experience that the company of a…

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There are certain relationships I think I'm great at: I'm the world's greatest daughter. I'm a great relative. I believe I'm a…

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Do not, on a rainy day, ask your child what he feels like doing, because I assure you that what he feels…

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If you are truly serious abut preparing your child for the future, don't teach him to subtract teach him to deduct.

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Until I was about 7, I thought books were just there, like trees. When I learned that people actually wrote them, I…

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[Children are] like talking animals. Their consciousness is so different from ours that they constitute a different species. They don't have to…

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Educational television should be absolutely forbidden. It can only lead to unreasonable disappointment when your child discovers that the letters of the…

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Smoking is, as far as I am concerned, the entire point of being an adult. Many people find smoking objectionable. I myself…

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Children ask better questions than adults. "May I have a cookie?" "Why is the sky blue?" and "What does a cow say?"…

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I used to love to write. As a child I used to write all the time. I loved to write up until…

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Your responsibility as a parent is not as great as you might imagine. You need not supply the world with the next…

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Take away a man's actual sense of manhood - which is conventionally based on the ability to work, to earn money, to…

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People are constantly telling me, whether they are friends who feel sorry for me, because I can't find a place to live,…

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Presently it appears that people are mainly concerned with being well rested. Those capable of uninterrupted sleep are much admired. Unconsciousness is…

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One of the biggest changes in my lifetime, is the phenomenon of men wearing shorts. Men never wore shorts when I was…

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Children do not really need money. After all, they don't have to pay rent or send mailgrams.

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Don't bother discussing sex with small children. They rarely have anything to add.

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Children are the most desirable opponents at scrabble as they are both easy to beat and fun to cheat.

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Do not have your child's hair cut by a real hairdresser in a real hairdressing salon. He is, at this point, far…

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Ever since I was a little child, I refused to see movies of books that I loved. Because you already know what…

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No one's supposed to be the president. This is not England. And it's not just the Bush family, all families designate each…

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How do you know if your child is a writer? Your obstetrician holds his stethoscope to your abdomen and only hears excuses.

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Children are rarely in the position to lend one a truly interesting sum of money. There are, however, exceptions, and such children…

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Being poor is like being a child. Being rich is like being an adult: you get to do whatever you want. Everyone…

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“To me, nothing can be more important than giving children books, It's better to be giving books to children than drug treatment…

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Anti-smoking sentiment has replaced middle-class morality entirely. The smoker has taken the place of the homosexual. Today you hear people say things…

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More by Fran Lebowitz

Why not have your first baby at sixty, when your husband is already dead and your career is over? Then you can really devote…

I've never had the experience of being edited and never will.

I think humor is warmer, and wit is colder. Wit is judgment, whereas humor invites some sort of response.

Communists all seem to wear small caps, a look I consider better suited to tubes of toothpaste than to people.

“lack, or loutish and crass kollective is a program dedicated to the proposition that vulgarity and bad taste are an inalienable right. the lackies,…

I figure you have the same chance of winning the lottery whether you play or not.

[Friendships] are easy to get out of compared to love affairs, but they are not easy to get out of compared to, say, jail.

Smoking is, as far as I'm concerned, the entire point of being an adult.

If you want to get ahead in this world get a lawyer -- not a book.

When it comes to sports I am not particularly interested. Generally speaking, I look upon them as dangerous and tiring activities performed by people…

The first time I ever saw platform shoes in the '70s, I knew they'd been revived from the '40s, and I felt sickened. And…

Children ask better questions than adults. "May I have a cookie?" "Why is the sky blue?" and "What does a cow say?" are far…

I do not think everyone is created equal. In fact, I know they're not. [The Constitution] means that everyone should have the same laws…

When I fly, I'm never afraid the plane is going to crash. But there have often been times when I was afraid it wouldn't…

Smoking is, if not my life, then at least my hobby. I love to smoke. Smoking is fun. Smoking is cool. Smoking is, as…