Three blokes go into a pub. Something happens. The outcome was hilarious!! — Bill Bailey Copy Share Image
Joke number 1, I have a bit of a problem with jokes, bit of a handicap for a comedian obviously, um, I… — Bill Bailey Copy Share Image
Three blokes go into a pub. One of them is a little bit stupid, and the whole scene unfolds with a tedious… — Bill Bailey Copy Share Image
I once punched a bloke in the face for saying 'Hawk the Slayer' was rubbish, when what I should have said 'Dad,… — Bill Bailey Copy Share Image
I tried to like it. For me, it was like being smacked around the head by a piece of IKEA furniture: it hurts, but… — Bill Bailey Copy Share
Three blind mice walk into a pub. But they are unaware of their surroundings, so to derive humour from it would be exploitative. — Bill Bailey Copy Share
I did a show in this tiny town called Longyearbyen. We went snowmobiling around Svalbard and saw Arctic foxes, snow bunting, polar bear footprints… — Bill Bailey Copy Share
Hitler was a vegetarian. Just goes to show, vegetarianism, not always a good thing. Can in some extreme cases lead to genocide. — Bill Bailey Copy Share
There is something very poignant about plastic bags. These lonely plastic bags that gradually disintegrate. — Bill Bailey Copy Share
At college, I felt frustrated thinking three years was a long time and I just wanted a job but afterwards I was in employment… — Bill Bailey Copy Share
I am pretty laid-back as a parent, but I do like a lot of activity. So I am constantly suggesting things to do that… — Bill Bailey Copy Share
I don't think any comic could say there isn't a bit of them that doesn't want to show off. — Bill Bailey Copy Share
You spend a lot more time on your own as an only child. And there's space to allow your imagination to take flight. — Bill Bailey Copy Share
My mother was a classic matriarchal figure. She'd sing round the house and always had music on. — Bill Bailey Copy Share
