Did you see Walker's father? 'My son loves America.' Yeah, like O.J. loved his wife. — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
As Miss America, my goal is to bring peace to the entire world and then get my own apartment. — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
We pick politicians by how they look on TV and Miss America on where she stands on the issues. Isn't that a… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
The good news is, President Obama was born in America. The bad news is, so was Donald Trump. — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Folks, tomorrow America will get to hear those four words we've been waiting for: "Former president George Bush". — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
In America, we like everyone to know about the good work we're doing anonymously. — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
President Obama told the Irish people that America will always stand by them, to which Israel laughed. — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
So China's president [Hu Jintao] meets, uh - meets America's president. It's like President "Who?" meeting President "Huh?" — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Today the Justice Department released e-mails where Walker criticized America. In the e-mails he said he never wanted to set foot in… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Hillary Clinton said she hopes America is ready for a woman in the Oval Office. That was the great thing about her… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Now there are more overweight people in America than average-weight people. So overweight people are now average. Which means you've met your… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Casey Anthony was found not guilty. This means that President Obama’s economic team is only the second-most clueless group in America. — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
A survey says that American workers work the first three hours every day just to pay their taxes. So that's why we… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
For the first time ever, overweight people outnumber average people in America. Doesn't that make overweight the average then? Last month you… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
The Obama administration has revealed the size of America's nuclear arsenal. We have 1,000 warheads aimed at China, 1,000 aimed at Russia,… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Researchers in England say tall men are more likely to have more children than short men. Here in America we call that… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
I watched that new reality show on ABC with Charlie Gibson, 'America's Next Top Vice President.' ... Oh, what an exciting show… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
President Obama's been reaching out to Iran, reaching out to Cuba, reaching out to Latin America. The only place he can't seem… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
America Online customers are upset because the company has decided to allow advertising in its chat rooms. I can see why: you… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Did you hear that we're writing Iraq's new Constitution? Why not just give them ours? We're not using it anymore. — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
There are now reports that President Obama will name Massachusetts Senator John Kerry to be the next secretary of defense. Apparently this… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
So, the Phoenix Suns are wearing jerseys written in Spanish, made in China, modeled after their best player, Canadian Steve Nash. There… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
This is a strange country we live in. When it comes to electing a President, we get two choices. But when we… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Texas Gov. Rick Perry referred to the Mexican city of Juarez as the most dangerous city in America. In his defense, he… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
They always say the Miss America Pageant isn't a beauty contest, it's really a scholarship program. If that's the case, why don't… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Tomorrow, America's most famous hockey mom, Sarah Palin, will drop the ceremonial first puck at the Philadelphia Flyers game. Right afterwards, she'll… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Bush reiterated his stand to conservatives opposing his decision on stem cell research. He said today he believes life begins at conception and ends… — Jay Leno Copy Share
There is a nationwide shortage of drugs for Attention Deficit Disorder. The FDA says they're not sure how it happened. I guess somebody wasn't… — Jay Leno Copy Share
“Leno said the rainy weather in California "couldn't have come at a worse possible time. Today was the day NBC was supposed to burn… — Jay Leno Copy Share
Donald Trump said he will not decide about a possible run for the presidency until after the current season of Celebrity Apprentice wraps up.… — Jay Leno Copy Share
American forces in Iraq found $650 million in American cash sealed in a hidden cottage. See, this is why President Bush wants to invade… — Jay Leno Copy Share
I wanted to have a career in sports when I was young, but I had to give up the idea. I'm only six feet… — Jay Leno Copy Share
Texas Gov. Rick Perry referred to the Mexican city of Juarez as the most dangerous city in America. In his defense, he probably just… — Jay Leno Copy Share
You can tell you ate too much for Thanksgiving when you have to let your bathrobe out. — Jay Leno Copy Share
The Mayans have predicted the world is supposed to end on December 21. If the world doesn't end on December 21, you can bet… — Jay Leno Copy Share
The Globe reports that North Korean dictator Kim Jong-Il raises money by selling fake Viagra pills. What it is about this guy? None of… — Jay Leno Copy Share
Here is your government at work. A congressman from Colorado said he wants to draft a rule that would make it unethical to have… — Jay Leno Copy Share
Jack Abramoff is going to testify against some of the other weasels in Congress. A lobbyist testifying against congressmen? How many Bibles are going… — Jay Leno Copy Share
Tomorrow, America's most famous hockey mom, Sarah Palin, will drop the ceremonial first puck at the Philadelphia Flyers game. Right afterwards, she'll get out… — Jay Leno Copy Share
![“So China's president [Hu Jintao] meets, uh - meets America's president. It's like President "Who?" meeting President "Huh?"” quote by Jay Leno](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/cb8/jay-leno-210_america_so-china-s-president-hu-jintao-meets-uh_1600145.png)
