There are two things you can be certain of: dying and…

I'm concerned my workouts have become tailored more to not dying than to getting laid.

— Anonymous

All anyone really needs to know about barbed wire is that it can tear the arse out of your trousers, give a cow a…

— Billy Connolly

As for Gordon Brown - I've described him and Blair as two cheeks of the same arse.

— George Galloway

I might take what I do very seriously, but at least I'm doing something, rather than sitting on my arse and being no-one.

— Joshua James Alphonse Franceschi

It's great to win a few prizes early on. It helps a writer to get noticed and to get some sales. It can also…

— Jeanette Winterson

I'll tell you what pressure is. Pressure is a Messerschmitt up your arse. Playing cricket is not.

— Keith Miller

I've done films where you have to get in shape for purely vanity reasons, when you read a script, turn to page 87 and…

— Bruce Willis

I always try to remember that praise and a slap on your back is only 6 inches away from a kick up the arse!

— Anthony Foley

When you look at pornography, the women become objects, whereas what I'm trying to do is make the person in the photograph as important…

— Rankin

When its comes to music and books 'OK' is not good enough. We need creative work that floors us! That we can't believe the…

— Sean Michael Wilson

I grew up having to piss in a bucket ’cos there was no indoor shitter, and now I have these computerised Japanese super-loo things…

— Ozzy Osbourne

The only thing I wouldn't do is sell my arse.

— Tony Abbott

An ample arse helps you to be weighed down and be grounded.

— Pedro Almodovar

The only thing I can do is wipe my arse, brush my teeth, turn up and do the best work I can.

— Tom Hardy

I've been a poser for f--ing years. I say, pose your arse off. You know, have a laugh.

— Billy Connolly