I wanted a settled life and a shocking one. Think of Van…
““I wanted a settled life and a shocking one. Think of Van Gogh, cypress trees and church spires under a sky of writhing snakes. I was my father's daughter. I wanted to be loved by someone like my tough judicious mother and I wanted to run screaming through the headlights with a bottle in my hand. That was the family curse. We tended to nurse flocks of undisciplined wishes that collided and canceled each other out. The curse implied that if we didn't learn to train our desires in one direction or another we were likely to end up with nothing. Look at my father and mother today. I married in my early twenties. When that went to pieces I loved a woman. At both of those times and at other times, too, I believed I had focused my impulses and embarked on a long victory over my own confusion. Now, in my late thirties, I knew less than ever about what I wanted. In place of youth's belief in change I had begun to feel a nervous embarrassment that ticked inside me like a clock. I'd never meant to get this far in such an unfastened condition. (p.142)””
About This Quote
This interpretation was drafted with AI assistance. It is one reading of the quote, not the author's own explanation.
The narrator reflects on conflicting desires, family expectations, and the struggle to focus impulses, revealing how untrained wishes can lead to emptiness.
In simple terms: Unfocused desires cause chaos and emptiness.
Key Takeaway
Learn to channel desires purposefully.
Themes
identity
family
desire
conflict
Mood
introspective
melancholic
Type
literary
philosophical
When to use this quote
- relationship building
- career choices
- creative expression
- personal healing
Key Concepts
psychology
existentialism
Questions to Reflect On
- How can you align desires with values?
- What habits help train impulses?
A Different Perspective
Focusing desires may suppress authentic self-expression.