So he heads straight for the condoms an grabs a box a 24…

““So he heads straight for the condoms an grabs a box a 24 Durex Avanti. He says they’ve got a 64mm width stead a the usual 56mm width. Also they in’t got extra lubricant, which means he generates his own, or rather, some lady’s own. You can tell Sonia Guha knows this when we get to the front a the checkout queue an start unloadin everything for her. You can just see it in her eyes. I mean, sure, she’s chattin to Amit an laughin at his jokes an lookin at him an all that. But she’s lookin at him with these Wow-you-wear-big-condoms eyes. She’s so impressed by the condoms an the aftershave an stuff that she don’t even notice the lipstick an pink bog roll or the pills. Me, I can’t believe Amit’s strategy’s actually workin. But then suddenly, just as she’spickin up the box a big condoms to put them in the carrier bag, some croaky voice behind us gives it,—Amit, vot is this gandh you buying? Amit turns an freezes.—Oh, hi, Aunty Narinder. How are you, Aunty? —Don’t you How-are-you me. Vot is this Durex business you buying? Wait till I tell your mama. —No, Aunty, wait. They ain’t for me, Amit goes, as if he’s forgotten Sonia Guha’s even there. Then there’s a pause as he thinks what he can say that’ll stop this aunty tellin his mum.—They’re for Mama an Papa. I’m doing the shopping for them. See, look, I also buy her Rimmel rose lipstick. I bought the toilet roll, even Bodyform with wings.””

— Londonstani