it sounds like my neighbor is stir-frying hamsters in a…

“Reputable companies don’t get their test subjects through ads in gaming magazines,”

— Graham Parke

“Joseph Miller had allowed the Universe to reduce him to being someone’s Tuesday afternoon monkey-poop scooper.”

— Graham Parke

“So, this guy entered my store, browsed my crap in his suit, sandals, and stickered sombrero, and completely broke my concentration.”

— Graham Parke

“His gums stopped bleeding and his skin cleared up.”

— Graham Parke

“I'm looking into my past lives. I'm convinced some of them still owe me money.”

— Graham Parke

“You’re stuck with yourself for the rest of your life, and now you know, beyond a doubt, that you’re an asshole.”

— Graham Parke

“why hadn’t all these women tried to jump me?”

— Graham Parke

“what Warren was playing seemed to be a mixture of craps and table tennis.”

— Graham Parke

“I’d urge you to stay away from any and all martial arts practitioners for the time being.”

— Graham Parke

“have you seen Driving Miss Daisy, The Last Stand?”

— Graham Parke

“If that’s the case, then maybe you should be looking at people who wanted him dead, not people who needed him to scoop up…

— Graham Parke

“Just before I look under my bed, I always get a little cold feeling, as if part of me expects to find something staring…

— Graham Parke

“Didn’t fall asleep. Spent the better part of the night listening to Warren drill holes in my floor.”

— Graham Parke

“I shouted the perfect words to scare him off. It was just the delivery (and only the delivery) that made me sound like a…

— Graham Parke

“I wore an elaborate disguise that made me look like a caterer from a rivaling company.”

— Graham Parke