Never mastaken your Abities

“I'm getting pretty good at masturbating”

— The Onion

“I do not masturbate often. Though at times I do so almost without being aware of it, actually.”

— David Markson

“Seizing an imaginary microphone, Dennis adopts a limp Estuary accent: 'Masturbating's changed a lot since I were a lad, Brian. In my day, we…

— Paul Murray

“Don't knock masturbation. It's sex with someone you love.”

— Woody Allen

“Sexual intercourse is a poor substitute for masturbation.”

— Quentin Crisp

“I have a Ph.D. in masturbation.”

— Amélie Nothomb

“I relish my debauchery. I don't regret it or shy away from it and pretend that I'm gonna stop it. This is who I…

— Jason Myers

“Celebrations, for me, have always been where celibacy meets masturbation.”

— Gordon Highland

“No butts, no regrets, AB!”

— Indigo Bloome

“To masturbate is to imagine: physically.”

— Mokokoma Mokhonoana

“My energies have been drained. Masturbating too much will do that.”

— Michelle M. Pillow

“anything becomes a pleasure if one does it too often,”

— Oscar Wilde

“To sit down so often with nothing to say,-to say something so often, almost without consciousness of saying and without any remembrance or having…

— Michael Kelahan

“My advice is to never masturbate in Cockburn Town.”

— Jarod Kintz

“Well, fella, as much as I’d like to stick something up your ass, it ain’t gonna be my finger or anything else on my…

— A. Violet End