Why are your father's ashes in a coffee can? -Peter

You were like a fucking commando! You were a comanche warrior. -Peter Highman

— Due Date

You better change yourself before you wreck yourself. -Ethan Tremblay

— Due Date

You Americano's sneak into our country, bring drugs, party. You sleep with our women. -Federali Agent

— Due Date

Ethan, you broke the seal when you poured out the coffee, then you poured your father's remains in there and then you closed it.…

— Due Date

I kept some. I kept a little bit of it and put it in my wallet. It's good for sore ankles and stuff. -Ethan…

— Due Date

Dad, you were like a father to me.

— Due Date

Ethan, I know you made it up. It's your fucking stage name. Why did you have my wife wire money to your stage name?…

— Due Date

Nothin' he loved more than jazz music and womens titties. -Ethan Tremblay

— Due Date

Oh, that's me. I'm just masturbating. Well, if you keep interrupting me it will take a little bit longer. But usually it just takes…

— Due Date

I can't believe I did that! Sorry, Peter. I'm so sorry. I didn't think it was loaded. I'm so embaressed. Pull over. -Ethan Tremblay

— Due Date

If you're allergic to waffles, then don't eat waffles. -Peter

— Due Date

Sonny, you will be sorely missed, you little bat-faced piece of shit! -Peter Highman

— Due Date

Okay, you just look really official. And you know if I ask you if you're a cop, and you are cop, you have to…

— Due Date

Yeah. Well, I was in stealth mode. Still got the scarf on my head and everything. -Ethan Tremblay

— Due Date

Why? Because, it's a picture of yourself. Anyone can take a picture in a beautiful turtle neck with their hands crossed and whatever name…

— Due Date