It was if the devil himself had devised the perfect…

“Greg turned around, shooting laser beams though the most disappointing sperm he’d ever unleashed.”

— Aron Beauregard

“Eagles, buffalos and deserts vast, it’s no good living in the fucking past.”

— Mark Jackman

“The hamster-powered hat is the same as any other hat. It keeps your head warm and looks smart,” the inventor said. “The hamster generates…

— Mark Jackman

“Oh for Christ sakes. Ay carrumba, chimichanga. I have no idea what you’re saying, but shut your pretty pie hole.”

— Cristin Harber

“My mortgage isn’t getting any cheaper and I can’t run that Ferrari on faith alone," Reverend Jones said. "Don’t get me wrong, the Big…

— Mark Jackman

“(If plan KTB kill the bastard) didn't work, well, gray would resort to Plan B: Operation Oh Sh**”

— Gena Showalter

“Someone once said writing and gardening are similar pursuits. Tell you what, I'd have one fucked up garden if that were the case.”

— Carla H. Krueger

“If a wizard should take up residence in your garden, and requests food, you are obliged to feed him.”

— Mark Jackman

“Seriously man, shut it.” “Alright, alright. You’re the driver,” He raised his chip bag in toast, “My life is in your hands.”

— Finn Eccleston

“Oh, come on. Don’t tell me you all have never been to Doveport? Our sister city across the sea?” “People don’t say that,” Billy…

— Terrance Crawford

“Suddenly, a voice called from the darkness. Taylor leapt like a salmon, then became rooted to the spot like a tin of salmon.”

— Mark Jackman

“We would love it if you would join us for lunch to discuss amputations! We love amputations. And firefighters at MetroGen. Anyone else coming?…

— Carina Alyce

“His only real financial failure came at the age of thirteen when, in an uncharacteristic error of judgement, he invested £200,000 of his own…

— Mark Jackman

“You can’t enjoy art or books in a hurry.”

— Anonymous

“Do flat-earthers believe that other planets are also flat?”

— Oliver Markus Malloy