You could rub a dry turd with a whole can of linseed oil…

“People are more likely to like you if you treat them with respect and Linseed oil.”

— Jarod Kintz

I find linseed oil and white lead the most satisfactory mediums.

— Edward Hopper

Yes, linseed oil. I used to use poppy oil, but I have heard that poppy oil is given to cracking pigment too, so I…

— Edward Hopper

“Ah … politics, Sergeant. When the top brass hand you a turd, you polish it and say, “my, what a lovely jobbie!” That way…

— Stuart MacBride

“I feel horrible. She doesn't love me and I wander around the house like a sewing machine that's just finished sewing a turd to…

— Richard Brautigan

Don't ever write a novel unless it hurts like a hot turd coming out.

— Charles Bukowski

To tell you the truth you are a giant whale turd... inside joke 5

— Candie

“Like they say, no point in rubbin' a turd.”

— Julia Wertz

“How do two retards eat a turd sandwich? Well, not by first wiping their ass with wheat bread like I showed them.”

— Jarod Kintz

“Sir Gerald Moore: I was at dinner last evening, and halfway through the pudding, this four-year-old child came alone, dragging a little toy cart.…

— Tom Wolfe

The trouble with most coaches is that they start with the assumption that everybody is a turd. And that ain't right.

— Bum Phillips

“Gonna be a real frog-strangling turd-floater.”

— Charles Martin

I live in a 9 million dollar turd.

— Ozzy Osbourne

“There ain’t no clean end on a turd,”

— Marc Cameron

“I was like a turd that drew flies instead of like a flower that butterflies and bees desired. I wanted to live alone,I felt…

— Charles Bukowski