Thomas Gordon, founder of P.E.T. (Parent Effectiveness…
“Thomas Gordon, founder of P.E.T. (Parent Effectiveness Training), observed that when children are behaving in a way that interferes with your ability to meet your needs, shouting direct orders to them doesn't work very well. So, he advised sending I messages. That is, a better alternative to, Your room is a disaster area-clean it up this minute, would be something like, I get embarrassed when Mrs. Johnson is visiting and sees your room looking this messy, so I need you to clean it up.”
About This Quote
This interpretation was drafted with AI assistance. It is one reading of the quote, not the author's own explanation.
Instead of commanding, use “I” statements to express personal feelings, encouraging cooperation without resentment.
In simple terms: Use personal feelings to request help.
Key Takeaway
Speak from personal experience to guide behavior.
Themes
communication
parenting
conflict resolution
assertiveness
empathy
Mood
calm
thoughtful
Type
instructional
practical
When to use this quote
- parent dealing with messy room
- teacher addressing class disruption
- partner discussing shared space
Key Concepts
non‑violent communication
I‑messages
behavioral influence
Questions to Reflect On
- When is a direct order more effective?
- How to ensure I‑messages are heard?
A Different Perspective
I‑messages can be ignored if tone is wrong.