Can't one human being not like another human being? Can't we all just not get along? — LIZ Human Copy Share Image
I will not calm down! Women are allowed to get angrier than men about double standards. — LIZ Calm Copy Share Image
God, three weddings in one day, I'm going to be in Spanx for 12 hours. My elastic line is gonna get infected again. — LIZ Elastic Copy Share Image
Do you need sex advice? Here's a tip. Sometimes a lady likes to leave her blazer on. — LIZ Advice Copy Share Image
Did you really think I wouldn't recognize my college futon, with its trademark absence of sex stains? — LIZ Absence Copy Share Image
Why do you sound surprised? I love America. Just because I think gay dudes should be allowed to adopt kids and we… — LIZ America Copy Share Image
Whatever the tiny bubbles sitting beautifully on the surface of the absolutely delicious-looking skin around his forehead and neck were, they were… — LIZ Copy Share Image
I want to roll my eyes right now, but the doctor says that if I keep doing it, my ocular muscles might… — LIZ Doctors Copy Share Image
