Joseph Heller

Just for once I'd like to see all these things sort of straightened out, with each person getting exactly what he deserves.…

— Joseph Heller

“Appleby was a fair-haired boy from Iowa who believed in God, Motherhood and the American Way of Life, without ever thinking about…

— Joseph Heller

“It sure is a pleasure not having Flume around in the mess hall any more. No more of that 'Pass the salt,…

— Joseph Heller

You wouldn’t be normal if you were never afraid. Even the bravest men experience fear. One of the biggest jobs we all…

— Joseph Heller

-You have no respect for excessive authority or obsolete traditions. You're dangerous and depraved, and you ought to be taken outside and…

— Joseph Heller

“But I'm afraid you have it backward. It is better to live on one's feet than die on one's knees. That is…

— Joseph Heller

“Even among men lacking all distinction he inevitably stood out as a man lacking more distinction than all the rest, and people…

— Joseph Heller

Something did happen to me somewhere that robbed me of confidence and courage and left me with a fear of discovery and…

— Joseph Heller

“Clevinger really thought he was right, but Yossarian had proof, because strangers he didn’t know shot at him with cannons every time…

— Joseph Heller

How much reverence can you have for a Supreme Being who finds it necessary to include such phenomena as phlegm and tooth…

— Joseph Heller

“The chaplain glanced at the bridge table that served as his desk and saw only the abominable orange-red, pear-shaped, plum tomato he…

— Joseph Heller

“Impressionable men in the squadron like Dobbs and Captain Flume were so deeply disturbed by Hungry Joe's shrieking nightmares that they woudl…

— Joseph Heller

“Finding Yossarian there in the hospital and seeing all that he's up to, with that enthusiastic blonde for a friend and that…

— Joseph Heller

Yossarian was cold, too, and shivering uncontrollably. He felt goose pimples clacking all over him as he gazed down despondently at the…

— Joseph Heller

“When I was a kid, I used to walk around all day with crab apples in my cheeks. One in each cheek.”…

— Joseph Heller

History was a trash bag of random coincidences torn open in a wind. Surely, Watt with his steam engine, Faraday with his…

— Joseph Heller

“He was a spry, suave and very precise general who knew the circumference of the equator and always wrote "enhanced" when he…

— Joseph Heller

“[Chief White Halfoat:] Racial prejudice is a terrible thing, Yossarian. It really is. It's a terrible thing to treat a decent, loyal…

— Joseph Heller

You know, that might be the answer – to act boastfully about something we ought to be ashamed of. That’s a trick…

— Joseph Heller

Death to all modifiers, he declared one day, and out of every letter that passed through his hands went every adverb and…

— Joseph Heller

Maybe a long life does have to be filled with many unpleasant conditions if it's to seem long. But in that event,…

— Joseph Heller

“With a little ingenuity and vision, he had made it all but impossible for anyone in the squadron to talk to him,…

— Joseph Heller

“All were successful,and felt like failures. Gold no longer pretended to understand the nature of success.Instead,he pretended not to. He knew the…

— Joseph Heller

“All over the world, boys on every side of bomb line were laying down their lives for what they had been told…

— Joseph Heller

“Oly sok boldogtalanság van a világban, tűnődött, komoran meghajtva fejét a tragikus gondolat előtt, és ő mit sem tehet senki boldogtalansága ellen,…

— Joseph Heller

When you consider the opportunity and power He had to really do a job, and then look at the stupid, ugly little…

— Joseph Heller

I've come to look upon death the same way I look upon root-canal work. Everyone else seems to get through it all…

— Joseph Heller

“There is no light. I don't feel like starting my generator. I used to get a big kick out saving people's lives.…

— Joseph Heller

“She destroyed egos by the score and made men hate themselves in the morning by the way she found them, used them,…

— Joseph Heller

It's a wise person, I guess, who knows he's dumb, and an honest person who knows he's a liar. And it's a…

— Joseph Heller

“He could not make them shut-up; they were worse than women. They had not brains enough to be introverted and repressed.”

— Joseph Heller

“Why,' swore Yossarian at him approvingly, 'you evil-eyed, mechanically-aptituded, disaffiliated son of a -----, did you walk around with anything in your…

— Joseph Heller

“There was no mistaking the awesome implications of the chaplain’s revelation: it was either an insight of divine origin or a hallucination;…

— Joseph Heller

“Yossarian marveled that children could suffer such barbaric sacrifice without evincing the slightest hint of fear or pain. He took for granted…

— Joseph Heller

“No such private nights of ecstasy or hushed-up drinking and sex orgies ever occurred. They might have occurred if either General Dreedle…

— Joseph Heller

“Major Major had been born too late and too mediocre. Some men are born mediocre, some men achieve mediocrity, and some men…

— Joseph Heller

“Nately was instantly up in arms again. "There is nothing so absurd about risking your life for your country!" he declared. "Isn't…

— Joseph Heller

“There were usually not nearly as many sick people inside the hospital as Yossarian saw outside the hospital, and there were generally…

— Joseph Heller

“Good God, how much reverence can you have for a Supreme Being who finds it necessary to include tooth decay in His…

— Joseph Heller

“I did it to protect my good reputation in case anyone ever caught me walking around with crab apples in my cheeks.…

— Joseph Heller