When I eat, I'll immedietaly stick two fingeers down my…
“When I eat, I'll immedietaly stick two fingeers down my throat and throw it back up. Its automatic and I am trying to stop but it's not working. It's like a reflex because I just zone out when I do it and don't realise what I have down until it's too late. I was bullied a bit and the called me fat and ugly, so when I'm sick I feel like I'm throwing up the fat and ugly out of my body. It feels as if I'm throwing up the flaws and all the bad things on/in my body. Which I know I'm not. Im just stupid. But I cant stop. And Ill randomly start eating like ****, anything there, ill eat it but after the food rampage ill just fell guilty and ashamed and start making myself throw it back up again. But either way I feel ashamed because there is some people in the world that have no food and Im throwing my back up because Im ugly?! Im selfish and ugly and ashamed. There is probably people bigger than me who dont care about how they look and I wish I could be them, Ive tried, but failed. Im not that type of person but I wish I was. And I keep randomly breaking down crying when I'm alone for no reason, or a stupid reason. But I thinnk its cause when I cry I get everything I want to cry about out and I wont cy infront of peopple. People wont let me not speak for two minutes without an interogation. Because I was happy loud and carefree before those guys bullied me (no one knew thye bullied me) I have to be fakehappy niw and its tiring. When my friends say 'your perfect the way you are' I dont feel complimented but lied too, and it takes everything not to scream at them for lying. I know Im ungrateful. I know I'm selfish. I know I'm ugly and fat, but I cant stop!!!! whats wrong with me?:(”
About This Quote
This interpretation was drafted with AI assistance. It is one reading of the quote, not the author's own explanation.
The speaker describes a cycle of binge eating, self‑induced vomiting, and intense shame rooted in bullying and body image issues, indicating possible eating disorder behaviors.
In simple terms: A painful pattern of overeating and purging driven by low self‑esteem and trauma.
Key Takeaway
Seek professional help for disordered eating.
Themes
mental health
body image
trauma
self‑esteem
Mood
distressed
hopeful
Type
therapeutic
supportive
When to use this quote
- therapy
- support groups
- mindful eating
- body‑positive communities
Key Concepts
eating disorders
coping mechanisms
Questions to Reflect On
- What triggers the urge to binge or purge?
- How can self‑compassion be cultivated?
A Different Perspective
Recovery can be hindered by stigma and lack of support.