Some people give gifts in order to bewilder, confuse, and manipulate their recipients. — Mallory Ortberg Copy Share Image
Addicts sometimes have a penchant for becoming the center of attention at other people's celebrations. — Mallory Ortberg Copy Share Image
Unlike celibacy, which people choose, asexuality is an intrinsic part of who we are. — Mallory Ortberg Copy Share Image
Enjoy your relationship with your boyfriend and don't worry about the people or situations you dream about. Once you wake up, they're… — Mallory Ortberg Copy Share Image
Asexuality does not make our lives any worse or any better, we just face a different set of challenges than most sexual… — Mallory Ortberg Copy Share Image
Don't badger people without children into admitting the secret desire for children you're sure they have to you! Don't badger anyone! Leave… — Mallory Ortberg Copy Share Image
"Not being virulently and overtly racist against black people" and "treating gay people like human beings" are necessary conditions of greatness. — Mallory Ortberg Copy Share Image
So many people choose silence after the immediate wake of a death out of fear of saying something out of turn or… — Mallory Ortberg Copy Share Image
If you don't like potlucks, the solution to your problem is "don't go to potlucks," not "insist other people don't have them." — Mallory Ortberg Copy Share Image
o one is right when it comes to destination weddings. It’s a big ask, requesting people take time off work and fly… — Mallory Ortberg Copy Share Image
Not wanting to give everyone in your life one of your kidneys is not the same thing as hoping they die of kidney failure. — Mallory Ortberg Copy Share
I agree that biphobia is real, but I think it's absolutely worth considering that someone who "despises" having sex with her husband - and… — Mallory Ortberg Copy Share
If you get a dog, take care of your dog! You can just not have a dog if you don't feel like taking care… — Mallory Ortberg Copy Share
I think that it's a great idea to have honest conversations about children before getting married. I also think it's impossible to promise someone,… — Mallory Ortberg Copy Share
One of the glorious things about being a person in the world is that you don't have to worry about whether or not someone… — Mallory Ortberg Copy Share
You need to be able to express your resentment and sense of loss in a way that doesn't damage your partner. — Mallory Ortberg Copy Share
Some people give gifts in order to bewilder, confuse, and manipulate their recipients. — Mallory Ortberg Copy Share
Unlike celibacy, which people choose, asexuality is an intrinsic part of who we are. — Mallory Ortberg Copy Share
The mere idea of asking a family member if they intentionally stopped sending me an annual bonus makes me feel like breaking out in… — Mallory Ortberg Copy Share
You have a right to be treated professionally at work, and it's your supervisor's job to make sure all their employees can perform their… — Mallory Ortberg Copy Share
o one is right when it comes to destination weddings. It’s a big ask, requesting people take time off work and fly off to… — Mallory Ortberg Copy Share
I love the art history ones because it's so little work for me. There's so many paintings that when I look at them, the… — Mallory Ortberg Copy Share
