I was told by a physician to avoid any line of work where people need to, um, depend on me for anything. — Christian Finnegan Copy Share Image
I haven't had a drink in twelve days and I've gotta say, I'm pretty shocked at how boring people are. — Christian Finnegan Copy Share Image
I really respect peple who try. People who say, No, I'm actually going to do the best I can. That said, you… — Christian Finnegan Copy Share Image
The Smurf village was destroyed weeks ago and Bush has still not made an appearance. George Bush doesn't care about tiny blue… — Christian Finnegan Copy Share Image
People might say, What's so great about the Arctic Monkeys? I've never even seen them. Well, you've never seen God either. You're… — Christian Finnegan Copy Share Image
I've always prided myself on being able to perform in the "alt-comedy" zone, but also being able to do comedy for people… — Christian Finnegan Copy Share Image
There are two kinds of intelligence in this world. People who are Monopoly smart and people who are Trivial Pursuit smart... If… — Christian Finnegan Copy Share Image
Do you guys remember that woman who disappeared a few years ago, Chandra Levy? Do you remember her? I found this fascinating.… — Christian Finnegan Copy Share Image
I hope that if I ever disappear, people don't look for me based on the last websites I visited. Kind of an… — Christian Finnegan Copy Share Image
What people really want is not to make something funny, but to make something amusing - which, in many ways, is the… — Christian Finnegan Copy Share Image
If I could go back and talk to the me who was just starting to do comedy, I would have told myself… — Christian Finnegan Copy Share Image
There's something so awesome about being able to get up in front of a microphone and do exactly what you want. Stand-up… — Christian Finnegan Copy Share Image
What is the point of a car alarm if it doesn't get people out of their beds to come help you? So… — Christian Finnegan Copy Share Image
I'd like to think I'm a little more memorable or specific now. People laugh at me in a way they wouldn't laugh… — Christian Finnegan Copy Share Image
Basically Britney Spears' video is like a three an a half minute version of Glitter. — Christian Finnegan Copy Share
If you purchased the latest Joss Stone CD, what you're saying is that you're an employee of VH1. — Christian Finnegan Copy Share
If I could go back and talk to the me who was just starting to do comedy, I would have told myself to relax… — Christian Finnegan Copy Share
Pimp stands for Positive Intellectual Motivated Person. It has nothing to do with selling sex for money. — Christian Finnegan Copy Share
If you refuse to see Superman Returns this summer, what you're saying about yourself is: I heart Al Qaeda. — Christian Finnegan Copy Share
Basically, I got into stand-up because I'm too egocentric to be an actor and not disciplined enough to be a writer. — Christian Finnegan Copy Share
Jesus is a powerful guy in Hollywood. Not quite as powerful as Vin Diesel, but powerful. — Christian Finnegan Copy Share
I had no choice but to make me as a comedian, because I am not particularly gifted with a lot of marketable skills. Unless… — Christian Finnegan Copy Share
It's my genius plan of avoiding any career momentum whatsoever. Definitely the pop-culture thing is something I've avoided in my act. It's just too… — Christian Finnegan Copy Share
I really respect peple who try. People who say, No, I'm actually going to do the best I can. That said, you want to… — Christian Finnegan Copy Share
I certainly do believe that a lot of comedy comes from awkwardness and embarrassment - pointing out the ways things are uncomfortable. Definitely the… — Christian Finnegan Copy Share
Relationships are a lot like yard sales. They look really fun from a couple hundred feet away, but eventually you realize it's just a… — Christian Finnegan Copy Share
I was told by a physician to avoid any line of work where people need to, um, depend on me for anything. — Christian Finnegan Copy Share
