Funny one liner Quotes

Some people are only alive because it is illegal to kill.

— Christina Aguilera

A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.

— Albert Einstein

Bacteria: The only culture some people have.

— Hesiod

Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?

— Steven Wright

How do you know when you're finished making love?

— Jackson Pollock

How many of you believe in telekinesis? Raise my hand.

— Mark Twain

Don't take life too seriously.

— RuPaul

There are three kinds of people: those who can count, and those who cannot.

— George Carlin

I did not climb to the top of the food chain to eat carrots.

— Ron White

When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

— Steven Wright

The actors come in and they make characters their own and so Patrick and I have never been the kind to think…

— Todd Farmer