Why is Christmas just like a day at the office? You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I wanted to send you something AMAZING for Christmas but the mailman told me to get out of the mailbox... — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Christmas shopping for you has made me realize that I know absolutely nothing about you. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Pretending to believe in the Mayan apocalypse prophecy is a great way to get out of buying Christmas presents. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Merry Christmas to someone who'd care more about Baby Jesus if he was in Kate Middleton's uterus. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Roses are reddish Violets are bluish If it weren't for Christmas We'd all be Jewish. — Benny Hill Copy Share Image
Christmas gift suggestions: To your enemy, forgiveness. To an opponent, tolerance. — Oren Arnold Copy Share Image
When you stop believing in Santa Claus is when you start getting clothes for Christmas! — Hussein Nishah Copy Share Image
Blessed is the season which engages the whole world in a conspiracy of love. It is Christmas in the heart that puts… — William Thomas Ellis Copy Share Image
May your holiday season be filled with friends and family who don't bring up your school's horrifying pedophiliac sex scandal. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
You remind me of Santa in that you work about one day a year and spend the other 364 days judging. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Dear Santa, ( ) I've been good all year. ( ) Ok most of the time. ( ) Once in a while.… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
There's no limit to the amount of company time I'd waste shopping for your holiday gift. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
A holiday miracle would be still fitting into my clothes after the holidays. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Santa Claus wears a Red Suit, he must be a communist. And a beard and long hair, must be a pacifist. What's… — Arlo Guthrie Copy Share Image
The worst gift is a fruitcake. There is only one fruitcake in the entire world, and people keep sending it to each… — Johnny Carson Copy Share Image
This Christmas I've decided to put a mistletoe in my back pocket…so all the people I dont like can kiss my ass. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I'd be much more into the office holiday party if my coworkers weren't invited. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I'm flattered you actually think I can afford the things on your holiday wish list. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Adele might set fire to rain... but SpongeBob can make a campfire under water!!!! — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I stopped believing in Santa Claus when my mother took me to see him in a department store, and he asked for… — Shirley Temple Copy Share Image
Roses are reddish, Violets are bluish, If it werent for Christmas, Wed all be Jewish. — Benny Hill Copy Share Image
Buying me a Christmas gift on Cyber Monday is a great way to ensure I'll have sex with you until Christmas. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
If you're sad about being single this holiday season, remember that even Kim Kardashian is unmarried 293 days a year. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Whether you're offended by me saying Happy Holidays or Merry Christmas, take comfort in knowing I don't really mean either. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
The earth has grown old with its burden of care, But at Christmas it always is young… — Phillips Brooks Copy Share Image
Christmas is a time when everybody wants his past forgotten and his present remembered. — Phyllis Diller Copy Share Image
