Funniest sports Quotes

Because she is too ugly to kiss goodbye.

— Bum Phillips

Fade into Bolivian, I guess.

— Mike Tyson

We're not attempting to circumcise rules.

— Bill Cowher

Because there are no fours.

— Antoine Walker

Yeah, I regret we weren't on a higher floor.

— Charles Barkley

They don't think it be like it is, but it do.

— Anonymous

To win, I'd run over Joe's mom too.

— Matt Millen

You guys line up alphabetically by height.

— Bill Peterson

I've never seen anyone go on the DL with pulled fat.

— Rod Beck

Well, I don't remember all the names of all the clubs we went to

— Shaquille O'Neal

But the real tragedy was that 15 hadn't been colored yet.

— Steve Spurrier

Son, looks to me like you're spending too much time on one subject.

— Shelby Metcalf

Statistics are like bikinis-they show a lot but not everything.

— Lou Piniella

The only way to stop Jim Brown was to give him a movie contract.

— Carl Lockhart

I can dribble with my right hand and I can dribble with my left hand. I'm amphibious.

— Charles Shackleford

I can play in the center, on the right and occasionally on the left side.

— David Beckham

The only thing that keeps this organization from being recognized as one of the finest in baseball is wins and losses at…

— Chuck LaMar

I quit school in the sixth grade because of pneumonia. Not because I had it, but because I couldn't spell it.

— Rocky Graziano

He has turned defensive boxing into a poetic art. Trouble is, nobody ever knocked anybody out with a poem.

— Eddie Shaw

What's the difference between a three-week-old puppy and a sportswriter? In six weeks, the puppy stops whining.

— Mike Ditka

Ray Lewis is the type of guy, if he were in a fight with a bear I wouldn't help him, I'd pour…

— Shannon Sharpe

The Bible never says anything about dinosaurs. You can't say there were dinosaurs when you never saw them. Somebody actually saw Adam…

— Carl Everett

When you get that nice celebration coming into the dugout and you're getting your ass hammered by guys, there's no better feeling…

— Matt Stairs

They say that nobody is perfect. Then they tell you practice makes perfect. I wish they'd make up their minds.

— Anonymous

I've had to overcome a lot of diversity.

— Drew Gooden

We talkin' about practice?

— Allen Iverson

We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees.

— Jason Kidd

I thought lacrosse was what you find in la church.

— Robin Williams

The NFL, like life, is full of idiots.

— Randy Cross

I've never lost a game I just ran out of time.

— Michael Jordan

I ain't gonna be no escape-goat!

— Karl Malone

Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein.

— Joe Theismann

When you're rich, you don't write checks. Straight cash, homey.

— Randy Moss

If history repeats itself, I should think we can expect the same thing again.

— Terry Venables

[My] career was sputtering until [I] did a 360 and got headed in the right direction.

— Tracy McGrady

I don't think there's anybody in this organization not focused on the 49ers...I mean Chargers.

— Bill Belichick

I'd be willing to bet you, if I was a betting man, that I have never bet on baseball.

— Pete Rose

This is really a lovely horse, I once rode her mother.

— Ted Walsh

A day without newspapers is like walking around without your pants on.

— Jerry Coleman

I was thinking about making a comeback, until I pulled a muscle vacuuming.

— Johnny Bench