Imitations of Horace. Of two evils I have chose the least.

“TV installer walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender says, "You'll be served sometime between”

— Various

“I'll just have a glass of water.”

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“Must the Earth forever be arranged like an ocean steamer, with large, luxurious rooms and luxurious food for a select few, and underneath in…

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“God is worming out His and our adversaries, which He will do by little and little, till they be consumed. The covenant is seasonable.”

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“it is no less since this same Confession of Faith was first subscribed and sworn to. And it has been still in use yearly…

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“sees the Sights, under Perplexing Difficulties. The native borned Gothamite mite have notissed, a short time since, a venerable lookin' ex-Statesman,”

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“What do you call a hundred blondes stacked on top of each other? An air mattress.”

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“Thou wouldst never have chosen Him, if that loving and gracious God had not chosen thee.”

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“Behold, and be awakened; behold, and be excited; behold, and be comforted; behold, and admire; behold, and wonder, that the King of heaven's Son…

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“seal. ♦◊♦◊♦◊♦ A bartender walks into a church, a temple and a mosque. He has no idea how jokes work. ♦◊♦◊♦◊♦ A baseball walks…

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“I'll give you an example. Do you own a weed eater?" "Yeah." "Then logically speaking, because you own a weed eater, I presume you…

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Craig Jones: We ain't got no sugar. Smokey: No sugar? Damn. Y'all ain't never got two things that match. Either y'all got Kool-aid, no…

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“I heard that if you play a Windows CD backwards, you'll get a satanic message. But the most frightening thing is that if you…

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“holiness is a privilege, as well as a duty; it is a reward, a benefit to him who walks therein.”

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“Music touches our hearts and moves our souls. Music has moods. Music can make us happy, relaxed or exhilarated. Music is sounds and voices…

— Various